


Snapped

by MerMagicAnaLily



Series: Andi Mack in Other Media [4]
Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Avengers AU, Avengers Infinity War AU, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, None of them are Happy, There are some survivors, avengers endgame au, the snap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2020-12-16 18:21:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21040670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerMagicAnaLily/pseuds/MerMagicAnaLily
Summary: There was a snap heard around the universe, and thus half of everything turned to dust. That’s what Thanos said would happen, but...did it have to be *their* everything?Destroyed, rebuilding, and not all is better. All they can do is try.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was created originally by the lovely Dumb-Binch-Juice, along with a few of their OCs and who they thought would have lived, who died, who told their stories. I made them cry while writing this, and apparently actively killed them since I got a message from “their ghost.” Please read, kudos, share, and please for the love of all that is living post-Thanos, COMMENT!!! It’s what gets me through life. Y’all don’t even understand.

_ “Come on Teej, we’re never too old for the swings,” Cyrus giggled, leading his boyfriend by the hand. They’d been dating for almost a whole year now but T.J. already knew that he loved that boy more than everything, with his whole heart. _

_ “You’re lucky this is how I became friends with you. I’m much too cool for just a random swing session while we’re in high school,” he teased, and Cyrus laughed, pulling him further along. T.J. stopped for a second and pulled him in for a kiss. As Cyrus kissed back, he felt the words bubbling up his throat, begging to come out, but the rest of him wasn’t ready. He didn’t know how Cyrus would react just yet. _

_ “I think I can safely say we’re more than ‘just friends,’” Cyrus joked. T.J. couldn’t wipe the dopey smile from his face. It seemed to always appear whenever he was with Cyrus. _

_ “For a swinging date, there isn’t much swinging,” he teased and he got on one swing. “Think you’ll actually go high this time?” _

_ “You know me and heights Thelonious.” _

_ “You know me and my name, Goodman.” _

_ “Sorry Teej.” _

_ “Hmmmm….maybe I’ll forgive you...if you go high enough!” He kicked off and started swinging, starting to cheer loudly, over-exaggerating for emphasis. For a while, he could hear Cyrus’s laughing, and he swing up high and felt the air vibrate for a second, then he heard nothing. He stopped and looked over. “Cyrus? Don’t tell me you actually jumped off,” he said, jumping off himself and running around. “And you never taught me the hide and seek song!” _

_ He started laughing and running around looking around all over. “Cyrus...come on dude, it’s starting not to get funny.” His phone started buzzing and he didn’t even look at the name before ignoring the call. He went into the play set and went down the covered slides to see if Cyrus was hiding in there. “Cyrus, come on dude, you can’t do this to me!” _

_ Another call, another ignore. “Cyrus! Is this your way of breaking up with me without confrontation?!” Maybe he wasn’t hiding or running away. The kids in Jackson County could be homophobic...what if some of them took him. The third call he picked up. “What?!” _

_ Then he heard the crying. He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the name. “Buffy? what’s going on? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cry…” _

_ “T.J...I don’t know...I can’t…” _

_ “Buffy, what’s going on?” _

_ “Teej…It was just...family dinner, you know...my mom and Marty...the three of us…” _

_ “Buffy...what happened to Marty?” _

_ “My mom and Marty...one minute they’re here...I don’t know what happened...I literally reached over to get more mashed potatoes...and then they crumbled into dust…just like...in front of me…” _

_ “Dust…?” T.J. frowned then looked over at the swing set. There was a little pile of ash on the swing set. He didn’t even feel the phone slipping from his hand as he stumbled there. “M..muffin…?” _

* * *

Currently he and Buffy sat on the couch in her living room, watching the news footage. The Avengers failed...and Thanos snapped. Half of the population was gone...and half of their worlds were too. 

His face was wet with tears, and Buffy was still crying, even curling into his shoulder, something she would never have done before. He was all cried out for the day, still sniffling and occasionally dry-heaving. She had a seemingly endless supply of tears. He envied those tears.

“Why would he do this?” She sniffed in his shirt. “Why did he take away our people…what have we ever done…”

“Villains don’t need a reason,” he said numbly. “Any reason will never be good enough anyways…” It should have been him. Cyrus never did anything to deserve this. Cyrus would be out there, helping the people who lost someone, even through his own pain. That was Cyrus. T.J. was useless. He wasn’t smart enough, or kind enough...he wasn’t enough. He lucked out with befriending Cyrus the first time, the person who met him at his worst and saw the good in him. Without Cyrus, he would still be Scary-Basketball-Guy. He hated that guy now...and he was afraid of turning into him again.

Their phones vibrated, all of their friends were checking in. Checking in with each other, on facebook, just trying to figure out who was gone. 

“Bex and Cece are gone,” Buffy said softly, sniffing. “Just Andi and Bowie around.”

T.J.’s heart dropped when he read the names Chet sent over. Daryl and William were gone, so was his sister. “Lenni and Jonah are still around…” he choked out. Then another text. “Just...Jonah...his parents…”

“Oh no…” she said, trying to get up but stumbling, falling on him, and he caught her, holding her. “Anyone else?”

“My parents haven’t responded to my texts...I don’t know if I can go home and check…” he said, trying to push the bile back down his throat. Don’t throw up, don’t throw up. 

“You want my dad to check? He’s upstairs trying to get through with...whoever the fuck he’s supposed to talk to in the VA’s office when his Vet wife gets dusted…” T.J. didn’t say anything, but Buffy knew what he was silently asking. He didn’t want to see it for himself. “I’ll ask him...and get us some water...we need it.”

He nodded numbly, helping her up and keeping his eyes peeled on the news playing on the tv in front of him. Now what? Just...live on? With his parents gone? With William and Daryl gone? 

With Cyrus gone?

Cyrus…Cyrus changed everything for him...he wouldn’t be who he was without him...honest with himself. He wouldn’t be nice, he wouldn’t be compassionate, he would still be sexist...he wouldn’t be out. 

He would still be in the closet.

Maybe manipulated into dating Kira. 

Afraid.

“He’s going to check,” Buffy said, coming back to the couch and looking at the news. “Wow...both the King of Wakanda and Queen Elizabeth got dusted.”

“Good news is Trump did too...bad news is that Pence didn’t…”

“Oh...Teej…”

“Not like it matters anymore,” he said. “Cyrus isn’t here.”

“Yeah but...your future…”

“Without Cyrus?” He choked out. “Buffy…I loved him...I was too afraid to say it for the past month and I should have...I wish I did...He didn’t know...he won’t know…” his tears started coming back to him and he was dry heaving again. “How could I ever love…”

He felt arms go around him and he dropped his head to Buffy’s shoulder, crying into her Jefferson Middle School basketball hoodie. 

“I also loved Marty…” she said. “I just wish I realized it before he got dusted.” 

* * *

His parents were gone. Mr. Driscoll had come back with both of their phones in his hand. T.J. refused to touch it, and didn’t want to go back. Buffy offered him a room for the night, and he had a feeling it would be more than a night. Her dad left him a change of clothes for the night and the next morning, and he was tall enough as a fourteen year old to be able to fit in them without it looking baggy. 

He sat on the bed of the Driscoll guest room, looking out the window when Buffy came in. “Can’t sleep?”

“Can anyone?” She asked. “I just...I also didn’t want to be close to my dad’s room. I hear him. He...I mean...he sounds like us…”

“All of us losing the loves of our lives?” He asked, moving over a little so Buffy was able to sit on the bed with him. “Do you think about the people who didn’t watch their loved ones get dusted?”

“What do you mean?”

“I saw some families on Facebook, friends of relatives and friends of friends...they only lost a grandmother or a fifth cousin twice removed, but their whole little families together. Mother, father, children, siblings, friends...is it bad that I hate them Buff?”

“No…” she said. “I hate them too, even if I didn’t see it. And I somehow feel like Kira is going to be one of the lucky ones.”

“Why?”

“Because life isn’t fair,” she said. “For years, I wanted my mother to come home. I was so proud of her, but every time she was deployed, I was afraid of a box coming back...she was home now T.J.,” she said, starting to cry again. He pulled her back in. “She was home! She was supposed to be safe! She wasn’t fighting! And I still lost her…” 

T.J. felt guilty. Even though Buffy lost her mom and Marty, and he knew she was devastated and just about destroyed, he kept thinking back that she didn’t lose his Cyrus. Yes she lost Cyrus, but she lost her Cyrus, the goofy kid who she could confide in, who she knew since she was a small little second grader and who performed tater theater at The Spoon, and he knew she was mourning him too. 

But he lost his Cyrus, his muffin. Cyrus was the first non-Kippen to know his name, the first guy to break through the scary outer shell that used to be Toxic T.J. Kippen. He put everything in Cyrus, in that cute little boy who wanted a muffin as a seventh grader, who talked him through his dyscalculia, who made T.J. better. He threw away his old friends, Reed and Lester for Cyrus, literally, and even then he wasn’t sure he had Cyrus. He remembered when Buffy and Andi would lead him away, wanting to protect his Underdog from the big mean basketball player who wanted to do the right thing. Who was taught why “the right thing” was the right thing to do. Without Cyrus, he wouldn’t have Buffy, and he wouldn’t have Jonah, or Marty…

Then his thoughts drifted to Marty, one of his best friends. He was a friend who forced him to have his heart on his sleeve, to be honest about his feelings. Marty would be the one who thought up the crazy plans for him to do, give him the craziest dares, let him feel free in a totally different sense. Reed might have been his first “guy” friend, but Marty was one of his first, true (non romantic) friends. 

Then he thought of Jonah. Both of his parents, Cyrus, and Marty...he had no idea what the kid must be going through. He knew that Jonah experienced panic attacks on a regular basis, and just recently started meds to help. Jonah was Mr. Popular before T.J. met him officially, not counting their tiny baseball days. Cyrus was a confidant for Jonah, Marty was a similar soul, and his parents? His parents who had already suffered so much with bankruptcy, were his everything. Jonah didn’t value romantic relationships, he valued his friendships, and two of his closest ones were just gone, just like that, with a literal, fucking, snap. 

Then he looked back at Buffy. Her mom, her boyfriend, and her best friend were taken from her, and here she was, literally crying in the arms of her former worst enemy. There was a time back in the day were the two letters that made up his name were spat out of her mouth. And he deserved it. He was awful to her. It was after coming out and talking to Cyrus’s mother that he learned that he was projecting his internalized homophobia onto a girl who was his equal, who in heteronormative society she would have been “perfect for him.” In a rom com, if he was straight, she would be the girl he kissed right before the closing credits, and he hated her for it back then. 

Now, she was his basketball buddy, someone he liked competing with, still seeing if he could beat her, and losing almost every time. Though now he didn’t resent her for it because she was a girl, he was secretly proud because she was “The Slayer.” Now she looked like she was slayed. 

“Thelonious Jagger.”

She sniffed and looked up at him. “What?”

“That’s...that’s my name...Thelonious Jagger. Some musicians named Thelonious Monk and Mick Jagger. My parents sucked at naming,” he mumbled. “Cyrus was the only person without the last name Kippen who knew my name.”

“Why are you telling me?” She sniffed. 

“Because I’m pretty sure that literally everyone who knew my name was just dusted,” he said. “Felt right for you to know...don’t ask me why because I don’t know. It just…”

“It’s a dumb name,” she sniffed. “But I weirdly love that you told me.”

“I knew you’d think it’s dumb...Cyrus loved it.”

“Of course he did,” she said, laughing through her tears. “Because he loved everything about you, and he truly loved people’s quirks that other people thought were annoying. He loved the way I would push myself to be the best, and he would support me to a fault,” she sniffed. “You know, it’s a dumb name...but I love that it’s yours.”

“Why?”

“It explains so much…” she said with a tiny chuckle between her tears.

“Yeah...yeah it does,” he said. She curled into him more and he stretched out his legs, letting her cling onto him. He made it look like he was just letting her need him, but the truth was, he needed her too. If she let go, he felt like would literally crumble, physically get broken apart and scattered across the floor. “You know...if you want to stay here tonight-“

“Yes...Yes please,” she said quickly. She knew he needed her too. She didn’t say it though. He needed to feel like he wasn’t falling apart completely, so she partially played along. 

“And your dad? He won’t complain?”

“About his crying daughter clinging onto a gay guy who lost his boyfriend who happened to be my best friend? I don’t even think I can find the right words, much less him…” she sniffed. “Besides, it’s not like we’d ever do anything but sleep.”

“If sleep is even on the docket,” he said. 

They sat there, Buffy curled around his body, both of them sniffling as they held each other together. Finally, once his shirt was thoroughly soaked with tears, she pulled away and gave him a new shirt for him to change into. “You know...back in elementary school, and before we met you in middle school, his parents gave Cyrus a video camera? It’s old by our standards, but it was his pride and joy, and Andi would craft up the randomest thing from her head...we’d make fake tv shows and infomercials...I still have a DVD I can play on the tv there...wanna watch?”

“You’re asking me if I want to watch home movies of a tiny Cyrus being his silly adorable self with you and Andi?” He asked. “What part of you thinks I’d say no?”

They curled up together and watched smaller versions of the Good Hair Crew— when their hair wasn’t always too good because Cyrus would get it all messed up and even had a cowlick, and Buffy would constantly lose hair ties and Andi...andi never even tried and would just appear on the screen with wild hair—make up random uses for some random craft, obviously unscripted, filled with unedited bloopers, and Cyrus barely making it through his lines without laughing, especially in his “serious” scenes. 

They did end up falling asleep, both crying, but only around four in the morning, hoping that the morning would come and reveal all of this to be just a horrible, horrible dream.


	2. Chapter 2

Jonah woke up at Lenni’s house the next morning, frowning at the sunlight. His room normally faced west, so he didn’t have the sunrise in his eyes normally. He must have slept over, hopefully his parents didn’t complain, he didn’t know if he told them. He got up and got dressed in some jeans and a jacket before walking downstairs, seeing Lenni and her dad sitting at the kitchen table. Weird her mom and little brother weren’t there though.

“Hey guys, I’m gonna go back to my house,” he said. “Thanks for letting me stay the night, but my parents are probably worried.” 

They quickly exchanged a worried glance and then Lenni stood up. “Jonah...what are you talking about?”

“Well, I don’t remember talking to my parents before coming here, so they’re probably a little worried that I didn’t come home without notifying them…”

“Jonah...what do you remember from yesterday?” She asked worried, taking his hand, he looked down at the hand confused. 

“What do you mean? The two of us had a jam session all afternoon, and then I went to bed here.”

“Wow...this is some…” her father started but she looked over at him to shut him up.

“Jonah...sit down…” she said, taking him to the table. Her father got up and started making more tea. “Yesterday...something bad happened…”

“What happened?” He asked. “Are you okay?”

“...not really…” she sighed and started talking. She told him about Thanos, the snap, and who was taken. Each passing second, Jonah looked closer and closer to a panic attack. “Jonah...say something…”

“This isn’t real.” 

She sighed. “Jo…”

“This isn’t real...this is a dream, or some demented type of prank, but this isn’t real...this isn’t...they aren’t…” he jumped up and ran over to his house. He couldn’t feel the pavement beneath his feet, the wind made no difference to him, and he didn’t even notice his surroundings, or Lenni running desperately behind him, he had to go home...he had to see his parents, he needed to see them.

He burst the door of the complex and looked around. “Mom! Dad!” He started running through the halls of his apartment building, opening every door that led to a communal area. “Mom!” He went up the stairs and kept opening doors. “Dad! Mom! It’s me! I’m home!” He went into the master bedroom and opened a door. “Mom!” He kept going until he opened the master bathroom door. Then he saw two little ash piles by the sink and a toothbrush and electric razor on the floor. “Mom…” he fell to his knees, and he felt Lenni’s arms around him. “Dad…” 

The world seemed to grow dark around him, and he couldn’t breathe. He was dying, he was turning into dust, like his parents...except he wasn’t. Why wasn’t he? Why the hell wasn’t he?! Why was he still here? Why was he still feeling this?! He had to be dying...he couldn’t just be there while his parents weren’t. 

“Who…” he got out. “Who else?” 

“Jo…” Lenni said, hesitating. Should she tell him. 

“I need to know!” He said. “Who?!”

“Bex…” she stumbled out. “Cece...Walker...Iris…” she paused. 

“There’s more...right?”

She didn’t say anything.

“Lenni! Please!” He begged through his tears. 

“Daryl and William….” she hesitated again. “Amber…” 

“No…” he choked out. “No...no no no…there’s more...isn’t there?”

She didn’t say anything.

“Worse than Amber?” He asked, leaning into her, falling further to the floor. 

“Marty,” she said softly, and she watched his face break, and her own voice broke when she said the last name. “Cyrus.”

Jonah got lost again, he was back in the black void. Not Marty...not Cyrus...they kept him anchored. They were his lifelines...Marty was the one who kept him afloat, who made him understand his emotions and confront them on the daily, the one who came up with all their hairbrained schemes that Jonah would have to put some form of control on. It kept him sane, it kept him from sinking. 

Cyrus...Cyrus was the one who helped him and became one of his first real friend. Before he had acquaintances, his Space Otters team members, kids who hung around. He was cute, charming, popular...Cyrus got to know him, he was one of the first people to know about his panic attacks, someone he genuinely enjoyed hanging out with, one of the first. 

“Not them...please…” he choked out…

“Jo...I’m so sorry...I’m…” she sniffed. “My mom and brother were dusted too...Buffy’s mom...both of T.J.’s parents as well…” she hugged him tightly, and he held the arms around him, squeezing them. 

“Why am I still here then?”

* * *

Bowie stood outside his apartment, the key in his hand hovering over the lock. This was his and Bex’s apartment, the one they were reforming together...where they made a home with Andi, the daughter they had together. He loved her…he still loves her. No other person he ever dated had the same connection they had. 

“Dad?” Andi said behind him, and he turned around and saw her standing there. “I...I’m sorry I…”

“You can’t come in, can you kiddo?” He asked quietly. She broke down crying and rushed into his arms. He dropped everything and hugged her back as she soaked his shirt with her tears. 

“It was my two moms…” she sniffed. “Cece raised me, and Bex was my cooler older sister for the first half of my life, then I found out she was my mom...and we learned how to be a mother and daughter together...I got to love her in a totally new and different way, and I got to know you with her...I got two families...or one big huge, wonderful and complicated mess of a family...and now…” she sniffed. 

“What do you want to do, Andi?” He asked her gently. 

“Libby has a dorm at SAVA, and her roommate ...I know I declined going to the dorms because I wanted to be home...and with you and mom…”

“You can’t go into either house now, huh?”

“I’m sorry dad...I really am...I don’t want to leave you alone…”

“Hey, hey,” he knelt down to look her in the eyes. “You need to process this your own way. I can help you move into the dorm, and we...we’ll go out and have dinner every night at a new restaurant every night,” he said. “Or the same restaurant...family dinner. How’s that?”

“I love it,” she said, hugging him. “I...I’ll go tell Libby...you...I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize. Please don’t apologize,” he said. “This is...this is hard on all of us...but we’ll make it through if we work together, and do whatever we can to go day by day until we’re better.”

“Thanks dad...I really...really love you, you know that, right?”

“I do,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “And you’re my whole world, Andi. Go to Libby, I’ll pack your things for you and bring it over.”

She gave him a tight squeeze and ran off towards SAVA. He watched her go before going into the apartment. He felt like he couldn’t go further than the couch, like he tried to move forward, but it was impossible, like a rope was holding him back, and it was like he could see ghosts of Bex moving around the rooms. 

He could hear her laughs in his ears, feel her hands in his, see the twinkle in her eyes when she smiled at him with that smile that was just his and Andi’s...the smile that she poured every ounce of her love into.

And he sat on the couch and sobbed.

* * *

By the fifth day, T.J. was starting to hate the clothes Buffy’s father lent him. They were all too polished, button downs and sweaters and...he felt like a fake Cyrus wearing them. He wanted his hoodies back and there was only one way to do that. 

He didn’t have a house key, they had a garage code instead, and Buffy walked with him while he punched in his birthday…the completely unoriginal code his parents selected, and stepped back while the door opened and he saw the two cars parked inside, a Jeep and a Prius, and all the boxes of mementos from his childhood, as well as a giant tub of basketballs. “Really is your passion, huh?” Buffy asked. 

“It was...after…” Baseball. His baseball bats from his younger days were right next to the door into the house. The games his mom made orange slices for, and his dad cheered at. Where after every game, his dad would play catch with him, and they would go eat ice cream. 

He grabbed a bat and made his way inside the house. The ash piles were in the kitchen, with the fridge door open. His dad was probably grabbing the orange juice...what he always drank after work, and T.J. didn’t even think. He couldn’t think, his head was just screaming, he was screaming, and the next thing he knew, the fridge door was dented and falling off the hinge, and the bat was ringing in his hands. 

Buffy was staring at him. “T.J…”

“You know you want to,” he said. “Who gives a shit about this place...all that mattered in it...only things in my life that mattered are the casualties of some egotistical alien madman who wanted to destroy everything!” He screamed, and he swung at the microwave next. “He took everything from me!” 

Buffy watched him, screaming and crying as he beat the shit out of a microwave before collapsing to his knees and crying. “Buffy...I’m sorry...I...I wasn’t sure...I don’t know what to do…Cyrus would know...He was my person…”

Buffy squeezed his shoulder, and she left for a second, and when she came back, she swung at the dining room table, breaking its legs off, one swing per leg, and she watched the set table fall and everything on top of it break. “I’m with you, Thelonious.” 

He looked up at her, tears actively falling from his eyes and he strangely smiled, and picked up his bat again, and started smashing everything in sight. The tv, his armchairs, everything. They were both screaming, cursing out Thanos, cursing the Avengers, even cursing out God. They wanted their best friends back, their families, their boyfriends, and now the two former rivals were bonding over destroying the Kippen house. 

Then T.J.’s eyes fell on the brown standing piano against the wall. There was some child’s sheet music on the stand, from his mom’s last lesson, and the tempo marker on top. His free hand reached out to touch the keys, but the instant his finger brushed against the ivory, he was bombarded with memories. His mom’s first lesson with him, an ungodly amount of pillows underneath him and on top of the piano bench to keep him up, his mom’s hands over his guiding his fingers to the right keys.

He remembered playing funky jazz and classic rock alongside his mom while his dad banged a pot offbeat and everyone singing badly, he remembered playing the keyboard at Andi’s party, Cyrus joining ing him as they sang together, holding each other before they confessed their feelings and got together, of Cyrus putting his head on T.J.’s shoulder as he played, turning his head to kiss his cheek, teaching Cyrus how to play his favorite song, Piano Man…

The keys made a horrible screeching sound when they were hit with a metal bat, so he hit it again, and again and again. “FUCK YOU THANOS!!!! FUCK!!!!” He screamed and he fell over when the piano was thoroughly destroyed, unable to play a single key without sounding like a broken Tardis. 

When he was finished with that, he dropped his bat and collapsed on his knees, breathing heavily as he broke into tears again. He felt so empty, so broken, so...alone. When Buffy touched his shoulder, he leaned into it. “Do you want me to pack for you? It’s...it’s okay if you don’t want to...or you want to do it yourself...or even come back another day…”

“I just want to get this over with...there’s nothing left for me here,” he said, getting up, and walking outside. 


	3. Chapter 3

_**Seven months.**_

That’s how much time has passed since that horrible, cursed day. Seven months. And today, T.J.’s gut felt like it had been stuffed, cremated, then buried in a volcano. He didn’t leave the room for three days before, and only Buffy had been allowed in during that time, not that anyone else tried. 

Meanwhile Buffy was on the opposite end of the spectrum, never sitting still for a second. She took up three more sports, got a job at the gym with T.J., and went on both 5 a.m. and 6 p.m. three mile runs across Shadyside. She was in the best shape of her life. T.J. barely had enough energy for Basketball. He would play a pickup game with her on occasion, sometimes Chet, but most of the time, he sat around watching tv. 

“T.J...you need to leave the room,” she said, standing over him. “Three days of absolutely nothing in here, you’re exactly how I left you!”

“I showered,” he mumbled. 

“Thank god for that. Then I really wouldn’t be able to stand you,” she mumbled back, then sighed, sitting next to his head. “We need to get out.”

“Not today,” he grumbled, and turned around, facing the wall. 

“Teej…”

“You know what today is Buffy.”

She sighed. “Yeah…but...he wouldn’t want this T.J. He wouldn’t want you wallowing in this room all week.”

“He’s not here.”

“So what? We...we ignore what he would have said, how he would have acted because he’s not here?” She said. “Does that mean you’re going to go back to being a sexist jerk? A bully?”

He curled up. 

“Are you going to go back to being Scary-Basketball-Guy?”

He winced and turned back around. “You really think I’d ever go back to being that guy, Buff?”

“I don’t think so,” she said. “But if you’re saying that because Cyrus isn’t here, we don’t have to do what he would have wanted, you’re essentially saying that you can turn back into him because there’s nothing stopping you.”

He was quiet, and stared at the ceiling for a long time. “I’m going to go shower. Maybe,  _ maybe,  _ I can be convinced to go to The Spoon afterwards.” 

* * *

“Jonah…please come out…” Lenni knocked on her guest room door again. He had locked himself in there for weeks at a time and would only unlock it for the barest minimum of food. “Jojo, I’m getting sick of this Anna and Elsa thing we have set up...we miss your face…”

“Who’s we?” He mumbled from the other side of the door. “Band is dissolved.”

“Says who?”

“T.J. literally threw the keyboard out a second story window then smashed it to pieces with my lacrosse stick. I’m pretty sure he decided that.”

“We can still play, the two of us,” she said. “Simon and Garfunkel it up…”

“Neither played the drums when they sang together.”

“Then we make our own thing Joseph!” She said. “Please come out...I miss you.” She heard a sigh from the other door, but no movement. “Can I at least come in?” There was another long moment of quiet and then she heard the door unlock. She pushed the door open and saw Jonah wearing a black sweatshirt and shorts, the hood up and dark bags under his eyes. “Oh...Jo…”

He kept his hands in his pockets and kept his eyes on the floor, but when she hugged him, his arms slowly found their way around her. “I’m sorry…” he choked out. 

“Jojo, you’re allowed to mourn, just...don’t forget to let us in occasionally, okay?” He let his head fall on her shoulder and she felt her shirt start to get wet from his tears. She carefully navigated around the laundry piles to sit him down on the unmade bed by the wall. She let him cry into her shirt, rubbing his back. 

“I just...I miss them a lot…”

“I know…”

“I was close with Amber...even if we broke up and were terrible at dating she was my friend...we knew things about each other I don’t think we shared with anyone else, and she’d help me out whenever I needed help...like when we filed for bankruptcy…”

“I know…”

“And Cyrus...he was one of my first real friends, and he was just such a great guy...he got me...you know...he really got me…”

“I know.”

“And Marty...Fuck, Marty…he’s one of my best friends...do you know how much shit we would cook up with T.J.? The three of us...we have got to be indestructible or something...because there was literally no stopping us. We did just about everything under the sun together...we really were idiots...and I miss that idiot…”

“If I said you’re still an idiot, would that help?” Lenni asked, and Jonah cried harder. “I’m sorry...I thought you would find that funny…”

“I did...but Marty would have loved that joke!”

She sighed and hugged him, then she looked over and saw the trash bin overflowing with lined paper. “Jo...are you writing music?”

He sniffed and looked over. “Yeah...maybe...you said you wanted to jam, right?”

“I always want to hear your songs.” She let go of him and picked up his guitar, seeing it was out of tune when she gave it a strum and tuning it for him. “Can I?”

He looked at the guitar and sighed, taking it from her, then he strummed it, fixing up the tuning a little more before strumming the opening chords and starting to sing.

_ “Faces I've seen I won’t see again _

_ Places I’ve been that won’t be the same,  _

_ Prayers I’ve said without an amen, _

_ Thinking about you when I hear your name _

_ I’ve cried before but not like this, no, _

_ I’ve seen you leave but never gone _

_ You were taken from me and now I ask oh _

_ How can, how can I go on? _

_ I need you back here, loving tender _

_ Your memories are like dying embers _

_ I wanna preserve you forever in Amber _

_ The party is dying by the cypress _

_ We’re all screaming out, we anxious _

_ So to that great big old decider, _

_ Bring them back,  _

_ Bring them back! _

_ And I will be the equalizer! _

_ Take me the useless _

_ Bring them the bold _

_ Bring back the best _

_ Bring back the old _

_ Take me the useless _

_ Bring them the bold _

_ Bring back the best  _

_ And bring back the old _

_ Take me the useless _

_ Bring them the bold _

_ Bring back the best  _

_ And bring back the old _

_ Oh you old great decider _

_ You screwed up and took the wrong guys _

_ And I…  _

_ and I….”  _

His voice cracked and he shook his head. “And I…”

Lenni put her hand over his. “Is this...really how you feel?”

“It’s not finished.”

“Jo...do you feel like you should have been snapped?” He didn’t answer her. “Because I’m glad you weren’t. I’m glad you’re still around, and…”

“If you could trade me for your mother or brother, would you?” He asked, looking at her, and she gasped.

“Jonah, what the hell kind of a-“

“Would you?” He asked. “Because I would. I’d trade myself for them because they’re your family, I’d trade myself for Marty because he was the only one of my friends who was one hundred percent emotionally healthy and he helped the rest of us by just being around. I’d trade myself for Amber, because she was just finally figuring herself out and it’s not fair that she was taken before she could fully explore herself as the good person I always saw in her, even if others didn’t. My parents, well, that one’s a given why I’d trade myself with them, they’re my parents...and without a second thought, I’d trade myself for Cyrus. Buffy is the glue but Cyrus is the magnet. He brings them in, makes more friendships...I wouldn’t have been friends with Marty and T.J. without him playing some sort of role in it. I just…what am I? I’m the shitty boyfriend who pretty much only dates girls so I can kiss them but can’t do anything more.”

“You’re Jonah goddamn Beck,” Lenni said, taking the guitar out of his hands and setting it on the floor before taking his hands. “A confused boy who’s figuring himself out, and what he wants, someone who values his friendships more than just about anything I’ve seen, who can be the sunshine someone needs to brighten their mood after a long, hard day, and one of my best friends,” she said. “You’re not taking someone’s place, or undeserving of being here. If anyone needs you here, it’s me, because you’re my first friend here in Shadyside and I’d be lost without you.”

* * *

Four of them met up at The Spoon around seven that night. Andi and Buffy sat closest to the windows, and T.J. and Jonah closer to the edge. They didn’t talk when the shared plate of baby taters was placed in front of them, except after about seven bites, T.J. chuckled dipping his tater before putting it in his mouth. “He used to call me a heathen,” he said. “Mayonnaise isn’t a real condiment for taters...ketchup is the only respectable condiment.”

“He called honey mustard yellow mustard pretending to be dessert,” Andi said.

“Ranch was only fitting for salads if you run out of Caesar,” Jonah laughed a little. 

“There’s no meat inside a baby tater, so there should be no barbecue sauce…” Buffy looked down at her condiment cup, and took another bite of a tater with her favorite dipping sauce before T.J. reached over and grabbed a side place, squirting a big dollop from the table ketchup bottle. 

It was like they synchronized it, each grabbing a tater and dipping it in the ketchup and eating it. T.J. made a face. “I remember why I hate ketchup.”

“It’s tomato sauce with sugar,” Buffy winced. Andi and Jonah shrugged. They all ended up eating another bite with ketchup, and another until they finished the shared plate. Then the waitress came back. She put her hand on T.J.’s shoulder comfortingly and cleared the plates before coming back with one single plate containing a chocolate-chocolate chip muffin. T.J. pulled out a candle from his pocket and Buffy pulled out a lighter, and they placed the candle on the muffin and lit it. All four of them stared at the flame in silence for a while, closing their eyes and trying to keep it together, even if a few tears fell. 

Buffy reached out and took T.J.’s hand, and he reached across the table to take Jonah’s. Jonah took Andi’s hand and Andi took Buffy’s. They all held hands together, watching the candle burn down and then looked at T.J., a silent approval and acknowledgement. He nodded and leaned over and blew out the candle. “Happy birthday Cyrus.”


	4. Chapter 4

“It feels wrong,” Jonah said, looking down at his book before pushing it away from him and leaning back against the booth. “I mean...it’s not right doing this.”

“What’s the alternative?” Lenni asked. “You have to take the SATs.”

“We had a plan back in the eighth grade,” Jonah replied. “We were all going to do an ‘engagement shoot.’ Andi was going to take fake wedding pictures of us studying for the SATs, preparing for the morning of the first test...we were even going to wear matching shirts, each with a litter on it...I was gonna be the S...that’s all useless now.”

“Well, you still have to take it,” she said. “And studying with me isn’t that bad, is it?”

“No! No, no, I like studying with you...but…”

“But it makes you miss Cyrus.”

Jonah smiled bitter sweetly at a memory. “He queued us on vocab words since the seventh grade, and his Bar Mitzvah goodie bags had flash cards. Most people got store-bought CollegeBoard cards...but Andi, Buffy, T.J., and I got handmade ones...and they had little messages on them, personalized for us...it’s been almost two years, why is it still so hard?”

“Because you loved them,” she said. “So you’re not into romance. That doesn’t make you even slightly less capable of love. And your friends...you love them so fiercely, with everything in your heart.”

“Like how I love you?”

“Like how you love me,” she confirmed, leaning over and kissing his cheek, but it was a purely platonic kiss. 

“Okay,” he sighed and pulled the book back towards him, ignoring the buzz from his phone. Lenni looked over and frowned when she saw who texted him. 

“It’s T.J.”

“I know.”

“Aren’t you going to answer him?” Jonah didn’t say anything. “You never talk to him anymore, you know.”

“We all hung out at Red Rooster yesterday,” he countered. 

“Key word: all,” Lenni emphasized. “You never talk to him...just the two of you.”

Jonah looked down. “It feels wrong. Whenever the two of us are together...there’s somebody missing.” 

“You know, T.J. knows exactly how you’re feeling. If you two hung out together more, you could help each other.”

“Why don’t you get on Andi and Buffy’s asses for doing the exact same thing since they’re also missing a part of their trio?”

“Because they’re not my friends, you are!”

Jonah got quiet. “Lenni...what are you talking about? They love you?” 

“And they’re great, really, but they’re not my friends. They met me because of you and T.J., and we don’t even hang out unless you’re also there.”

“You know you can.”

“Like that I’m allowed to? Yeah, I know that, but we don’t have anything in common. Except you and T.J., and ‘Bottle Opener?’ I miss it.”

“I do too, but Buffy told me that T.J. pretty much refuses to touch anything involving music except a radio and Spotify, and even then, the Spotify list has a bunch of ‘banned songs.’ I didn’t dissolve the band!”

“‘Bottle Opener’ was never just about the music for me. It was also for my two idiots to get together and all of us to hang out together. Jamming was just the way we met, and a way we had fun.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Answer him...at least just text him outside of the group chat,” she said. “That’ll be a start.”

* * *

“Have you given more thoughts about what you’re going to do after you graduate?” Bowie asked, sipping his soda. He and Andi were at the local sushi restaurant having their nightly dinner, as they had every night at different restaurants. Andi was still uneasy walking into her own home, and Bowie always had to be careful not to let it show that it hurt a little to stay in a big apartment all alone. 

Andi shrugged, popping another piece of salmon nigiri in her mouth and chewing it. “I’ve been looking up a few places and talking to the academic counselors, but I’m torn between staying close and going somewhere exciting like New York or Boston or Miami.”

“Well…what’s keeping you here, other than me, I hope?” He joked lightly. 

“It’s…it’s dumb.”

“It’s probably not,” he said. “And if it is, you’re always so smart I’ll love hearing a dumb thing to put you closer to my level,” he joked. 

Andi smiled a little, before looking down. “Part of me still...stupidly….”

“Not stupid.”

“Part of me believes that...maybe mom, Cece, and Cyrus are just going to...come back?” 

“You’re holding out hope?”

“It’s a stupid hope. I mean, the Avengers are still out there doing what they do...and some of them have like, real magic? I don’t know…” she sighed. 

Bowie reached out and took her hands. “Never stop having optimistic hope, no matter how stupid you think people might think you are for it.” 

“Dad…”

“I mean it,” he said. “That’s what makes you Andi, and you being Andi makes me the luckiest dad in the world.”

She smiled and gave his hands a squeeze. “I think maybe I’ll go to a state college, just so I can come home on weekends to the greatest dad in the multiverse.”

“Multiverse?”

“....Maybe Libby and I binge ‘The Flash’ a lot…”

They both laughed and Bowie decided to splurge a little more, and they split a chocolate cake. 

* * *

Chet was practicing some free throws at the park right before the sun was going to set. He just needed to be out of the house right now, or most of the time, really. 

“Hey,” a voice said from behind him. He turned and saw Buffy and T.J. headed towards him. “Fancy a game of one on one? First to ten?”

“I’ll play winner,” Buffy said.

Chet looked at him, making eye contact and scanning him, and tossed the ball to T.J. “Surprised to see your face around here.”

“Buffy made me leave the house.”

“Yeah, you pretty much only go to school and that’s it, huh?”

“It’s hard to do anything else, really,” T.J. said, dribbling the ball, getting a feel for it before starting to move, trying to avoid Chet’s blocking and attempts to steal. 

“Is that why you quit the team?” Chet took advantage of T.J. being momentarily distracted and stole the ball, running down the court and shooting it. He came back and tossed the ball back to him. 

T.J. sighed as he started dribbling again, staying more focused this time. “It’s not the same...first few games after the snap...I’d look over into the bleachers...and it threw me off when there wasn’t a sign being held up in the air,” he said, making a basket despite Chet’s efforts and giving the ball to him. “It hurt not seeing it...like...I felt like it would be easier if someone punched me in the gut than to not see him in the crowd.”

“Shame.” Chet said. “You were a good captain...at least, once that one over there put some common sense in you,” he said gesturing to Buffy. “Once you got over your asshole-y self, you knew how to really lead, not just be ‘the star.’ It was refreshing.” 

“I’m sorry...I just...I can’t…I’m really sorry Chet.”

“Are you though?” He asked, making two baskets in a row now. “Are you really sorry, or are you just saying what you think will make me feel okay with you?”

“Chet?”

“Make me okay with you after you abandoned me?”

“Chet, please.”

“Look, I get the whole Cyrus thing and all, but did you even stop in your two year long pity party to think about other people? It’s like...you and Buffy are the only people in the goddamn world.”

“Chet, you know that’s not what I think.”

“What do you think?!” He snapped, tossing the ball to Buffy and standing right in front of T.J. Despite being shorter than him, Chet stared him down. “Because did you even stop for like...ten minutes to think about me?! At all?! Did you stop to realize that you’re all I fucking had left?!”

“Chet...I…”

“You know how my dad is, Kippen. I haven’t exactly made that a secret with any of you guys, and even though my mom wasn’t exactly great, both she and my sisters are gone! Do you know what it’s like being with just him! It’s hell Kippen! Fucking hell!”

“Chet...I...I didn’t…”

“And you’re there moping about losing Marty and Cyrus, which yeah, that fucking hurts, I get it, but what about Daryl and William?! They weren’t just my best friends, they were my only friends! You’re all I had left and then you’re never fucking around! What the hell am I supposed to do?!”

“Chet...I really didn’t know…”

“Didn’t know, or didn’t bother to think about?” He asked coldly. “Look, fine, Cyrus was like your fucking everything...you literally could not shut up about him when we hung out, and like William called him, we loved that funky little dude. Whoever was on the bench would take a picture of his signs and we made a whole Finsta account dedicated to it. Fucking hurts, yeah, what’s not okay if refusing to see when someone else other than the person who is in the exact same situation with the exact same people, just flipped around, is hurting as well.” Chet looked over at Buffy. “Y’all can play. I’m gonna grab some Taco Bell and head home.”

“Chet...wait…”

“T.J...just...drop it.” He walked away and T.J. was left holding the ball, literally, watching him go.

* * *

“You know, my dad is wondering why we even bother having separate rooms and tiny beds if we literally sleep in the same bed every night,” Buffy said, resting her head on T.J.’s chest as they only half-watched ‘The Good Place’ on the TV in her room. 

“Change of scenery,” he said. “Plus even if there was a big bed, we’d end up close to each other since we need human contact.”

She pulled the covers closer to them and he tightened his hold around her slightly. “Ever think about what it would be like if we could go back in time and show the little seventh grade versions of ourselves how we are today?”

“You mean end of seventh grade or meeting at try-outs, because both sets wouldn’t believe us, but they’d have wildly different reactions,” he laughed. “I would pay to see try-outs us react to this exact scene. There’s so many layers I’d have to absorb.”

“Layers?” 

“I’ve got layers...like an onion.”

“Did you just fucking quote Shrek at me?”

“...Anyways…”

“Oh my god, you did.”

“Shut up,” he laughed. “But anyways, yeah, tons of layers. I mean, there’s the obvious one of me not hating you and you not hating me, there’s the acceptance of my dyscalculia and how I’m open about it instead of it being some big secret I don’t want anyone to know about...me accepting the fact that I’m gay and fell in love and fell in love hard…and then losing that...” He got silent and watched Elenor and Chidi kiss inside the Janet void.

“Did you know?” Buffy asked, after a while. “Back then?”

“I knew,” he said. “I hated it...hated myself even, but I knew. That’s why I...I guess I hated girls. It’s not an excuse for treating you the way I did, not in the slightest, but...it was my reason. I was so fucking dumb.”

“Yeah, you were,” she said, putting her arms around him and getting closer. “Still are. Just...differently.”

“Yeah…” his fingers started tapping rhythmically on her arm. He never noticed himself doing that, but Buffy always wondered what song he would be playing if there was a keyboard under his fingers instead of her bicep. But if there was a keyboard, T.J. wouldn’t be playing it, not anymore. “...Am I a bad person?”

“What?” She got up slightly to look at him. “T.J., what are you talking about?”

“The whole thing with Chet got me thinking…”

“A horrible idea, apparently.”

He shot her an unamused look. “It just...I didn’t think about him. It’s just the two of us all the time talking and crying about Marty and Cyrus, and Cyrus and Marty. I mean...I was a bad person before I met Cyrus, and he taught me how to be a good person...you and him...mostly him…”

“Yeah, I figured that part.”

“But until I really got to hang out with him and get to know you better, I was just...bad. Is there still a part of me that is still bad? Like...is there an inherently bad person inside of me at all times and I’m deluding myself? I didn’t stop for a second to think about Chet.”

“You’re not bad,” she said. “Being inattentive is not bad. You’re not a bad person just because you might still have room for improvement.” 

“What would middle school tryouts Buffy say though?”

“That’s irrelevant. She hated you so much, she would have said that you are a despicably evil person and deserve a cactus shoved up inside of you...and then older Buffy would have realized how that could come off as homophobic and apologize immensely on that end...” 

“It’s not homophobic...I feel like I deserve the cactus.”

“I’m keeping all cacti away from you then,” she said with a little smile before lying back down. He smirked a little and gave her a little squeeze as they continued watching the show. His fingers went back to tapping and Buffy closed her eyes, imagining he was writing a silent song for Marty and Cyrus. 

“I’m glad, in a twisted way, I have you,” he said softly. “Someone who understands exactly what I’m going through, but from a flipped perspective.”

“Lord help me if past me ever hears this,” she chuckled. “But I’m glad I have you too...Thelonious Jagger…”

“...I’m starting to regret telling you my name.”


	5. Chapter 5

_ “Teej, you have no idea how excited I am! I’ve been up all night for the past three nights planning this, and I must have dragged Buffy and Andi to the mall about seven times in the past month. It has to be perfect!” T.J. looked at Cyrus practically jumping out of his seat at The Spoon, only being held down by the arm around his shoulders.  _

_ “It’s going to be perfect, I promise,” T.J. said, kissing him on the cheek. “Because it’s going to be with you.” _

_ “Teej, stop it,” Cyrus laughed. “I love you so much…” _

_ “I love you too, Underdog,” he said, turning and leaning in for a kiss, and right as their lips touch, he starts feeling ash and feels it falling away. He opens his eyes to see dust overtaking the form of Cyrus. His eyes widened and he tried grabbing at Cyrus, only to see him crumble.  _

_ T.J. started running, out of the spoon, and he bumped into Marty. “Hey dude...what’s going on?”  _

_ “Cyrus! He...he…” and his eyes widened in horror as Marty started crumbling from where he touched him on his arm. “No! No, no, no, no, no, no...” he started to run again, going to his house and running into his mother’s arms.  _

_ Before he could even get a word out, she started crumbling as well, and he screamed, stumbling back until he tripped, but right before he hit the floor, his father caught him, and he started vanishing from his arms then across his body.  _

_ “Stop! Stop! Please! I need you to stay!!! Please!!!” He ran past their little ash piles and to the park. William and Daryl saw him running and ran up to him.  _

_ “Kippen! What’s going on?” As soon William touched his arm, he started crumbling, stumbling backwards into Daryl, who started disappearing as well.  _

_ “What the hell did you do?!” Chet rushed him and pushed him to the ground. “You’re ruining everything! You’re destroying everything!” Then he looked at his hands, disappearing from his fingertips. “You’re ending everything…” _

_ T.J. watched in horror as Chet disappeared and he scrambled back up, and he started running. He ran past Jonah and Lenni, watching them vanish as he screamed out at them, then he saw Andi, Libby, and Walker crumble into a park bench. “No! Stop! Stop!!!” _

_ He ran into the Driscoll house and up to Buffy’s room. “Buff! They’re all leaving...they’re all going...it’s my fault…” _

_ “T.J...what are you talking about?” _

_ “Marty, Andi, my parents...Cyrus! They’re all gone! Gone!” He shouted. Buffy looked at him and hugged him, trying to calm him down. “No! No you can't ...you cant!” She started falling away and he tried hugging her, holding her, his last chance, his last hope, his last friend, he needed her, he tried holding her together...but soon felt his own arms wrap around himself, seeing the dust at his feet.  _

_ “NO!!” He started touching his arms. “NO! Don’t leave me alone! No! Take me with them!!! Take me with them!!! _

* * *

T.J. woke up in a cold sweat and tried to get up. Why couldn’t he get up?! Why couldn’t...he looked down and saw Buffy slowly opening her eyes from where she lay on his chest. “What’s going on? Better be good for waking me up, Thelonious…” He didn’t answer and just hugged her tightly. “Nightmare?” She asked softly, and he didn’t answer, just nodded. “Do you want to talk, just lie here...or turn on something we’ve seen a million times and we don’t have to pay attention to but it’ll take the silence of the room away?”

“Third option,” he mumbled. She nodded and tapped his arm, asking him to release her. He did, and she got up a little and looked for the remote on his nightstand, turning on the tv and launching Netflix. She scrolled through it for a bit and then settled on “Parks and Recreation,” pressing play and letting a random episode load up before putting the remote back and lying back down, feeling his arm go around him. “Sorry for waking you.”

“Don’t apologize,” she yawned, putting her arm around him. “You can always wake me if you need to.”

“Yeah, but then you make me make the coffee…” he said, attempting a joke. 

“Would have made you do it anyways. I hate our new coffee maker and you actually know how to work it.” She closed her eyes and curled up around him. “But seriously...I’d rather wake up knowing you’re okay than sleep through you going through a PTSD episode.”

He didn’t say anything else and just held her as she fell back asleep and he continued watching tv, lowering the volume and brightness so she wouldn’t wake up again. His eyes scanned around the room, looking at all the old wall hangings he had up. He had a few framed sports posters of basketball and baseball players, and a framed poster of “Love, Simon,” the first movie he saw with Cyrus as a couple, and his eyes stayed there, studying Nick Robinson’s face. 

* * *

_ “I know it was overly clichéd, and literally every trope known to cinema is in it, but-“ _

_ “I loved it,” T.J. said, pulling Cyrus closer, watching the little worry lines on his brow disappear. “A little cheese in life is good. And...it was really romantic. A perfect first official date movie.” _

_ “It’s still weird saying that. My last first date was me in complete denial of myself,” he said. “Can I count this as my first, first date?” _

_ “Your...first first authentic date?” T.J. suggested.  _

_ “I like that,” Cyrus said, lacing their fingers together and giving it a squeeze.  _

_ “Did you also choose this movie because it’s a gay romantic comedy and you’re worried about how I feel about being gay?” He asked, looking Cyrus right in his big brown eyes.  _

_ “That obvious?” _

_ “A little,” he laughed. “But it’s still a good choice, and...you don’t have to worry anymore. I actually came out to my parents last night.” _

_ “Wait, really?”  _

_ “Yeah,” he said. “I was really excited about this date, and we were texting non-stop, and my dad was all like ‘are you sure you don’t have a secret girlfriend and Cyrus is covering for you?’ And at that moment...I decided I wasn’t going to start off my first real relationship lying about who I am to my family...and I did it.” _

_ “Oh my god,” Cyrus gave his hand another squeeze. “And?” _

_ “And...after about a minute of letting the shock wear off, they hugged me, told me they loved me, and that they loved you already, no surprise on that end though,” he laughed a little. “And we ended up going out for ice cream after dinner.” _

_ “Wow, meanwhile I went to sit all my parents down, told them I had something to tell them, and they said ‘Cyrus, we know you’re gay. Do you want pizza or Chinese?’ Am I that much of a stereotype?” _

_ “Not really, at least in my opinion,” T.J. said, letting Cyrus lean against him. “My guess? You live with and are raised by four mental health professionals. They probably memorized all the signs of ‘how to know your kid is gay and nervous about coming out.’” _

_ “Fair point.” _

* * *

He sighed and looked back down to Buffy, sleeping soundly on his chest. The wrong person was lying there, just like she was lying on the wrong person. He noticed a ton of things about her, like how she would work out more when she was stressed, she would doodle basketball plays in the corners of her notebook, she still insisted on learning Portuguese on Duolingo until she could fully decipher the list of songs Marty gave to her back at the beginning of Freshman year without using Google Translate, and how she always used the present tense when she talked about her mom, rather than the past tense, like her mom was just deployed again.

Then he stopped to think. He used to call himself a mostly attentive person. He and Cyrus could coordinate movements without talking, he could pretty much read Buffy’s mind now depending on her tone of voice and facial expressions, even with Jonah, when he watched him sing at Red Rooster Records, he could tell if Jonah had a good or bad day, even if nobody else could tell the difference. 

If he could notice all that, why didn’t he see Chet’s pain sooner?

* * *

At school the next day, Chet was just sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, watching some YouTube videos about basketball trick shots on his phone when he saw something land between his face and the hands holding his phone. “Salt and vinegar chips?”

“You always ate it at lunch,” a voice next to him said. He looked up and saw T.J., and started scowling. 

“What the hell do you want, Kippen.”

“I’m here to say...you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“...what?”

“I’m sorry. I was ignoring you and too focused on Buffy, with Jonah on my peripheral vision. You should have been there too.”

“And what? A bag of chips and a shitty apology is supposed to make that go away?” He said. “You think it’s that easy.”

“Believe me, I know it’s not,” he said. “And you’d punch me in the face if I rapped at you…”

“What?”

“Nothing...inside joke…” he said. “Point is, I know that a bag of chips isn’t going to make it go away. The chips are so you’d turn and look at me...and because you always ate it before taking a science test because it’s ‘good luck.’ The apology is...I dunno...knocking on the door?”

“...you really hung around with Cyrus too much.”

“Chet…” he sighed. “You don’t have to forgive me. I just...I don’t want to be the guy who left you alone when you needed me. I don’t want to be that guy anymore.”

“Well you can’t erase the last two years.”

“I know...I wish I could, believe me,” he sighed. “I want to do something though. One on ones? Every Friday? Someone’s gotta keep you in shape.”

Chet didn’t smile, and he didn’t stop scowling either, but the scowl did soften slightly. “I think you’re the one who’s gonna get creamed.”

T.J. smirked, seeing a crack. “You might have more practice, but I’ve got raw skills you can’t beat.”

“Guess we’ll find out officially on Friday then.”

* * *

T.J. was cleaning up after the children from his job at the gym when he heard the door open. “Hey, I’ll be with you in just a second. I’m just trying to clean things up from the last session.”

“Maybe I could help?” He turned towards the familiar voice. 

“Andi?”

“Hey…”

“What are you doing here...not that you’re not allowed to be here, it’s just…”

“I never am?” She asked and knelt down to help him pick up the papers and broken crayons near the coloring station. “What kind of gym has a coloring station?”

“One that expanded to have daycare services about four months ago,” he said. “But it means I get a pay increase and lets the kids who get overwhelmed at the exercise to sit back for a few minutes and cool down.”

“Innovative. So...you could have kiddie art classes here?”

“You know, if you’re trying to get a job here, I’m not the person to talk to…”

“No...no,” she laughed a little, sounding uneasy. “I’m just...procrastinating what I really need to talk about.”

“With me?” He raised an eyebrow. “I mean...not that you can’t but...we just normally...don’t.” 

“Yeah, but…” she sighed. “I really wanted to talk about this with Cyrus…”

“But he’s...not here. Yeah,” he said. Why did his chest still hurt when he said that. “Why not Buffy?”

“Part of it is because...whenever I see her...I remember that I don’t see him.” 

“Like why Jonah and I barely talk. We just started texting again,” he said. 

“The other part...is because what I want to talk about is very...specific. And something that of the people I know, I think only you and Cyrus could really help me with.”

“Oh?” He frowned then looked at her face, seeing her nervously swallow a lump in her throat. “Oh…”

“I’m not gonna stop you from working, am I?”

“No...no Kaylie can handle finishing up the cleaning and anyone coming in and the next official session isn’t for another hour. That enough time?”

“Yeah...anywhere private for us?” 

“Yes, yes…” he led her back to ‘his’ office, which is the office all the employees used for quiet moments and talking one on one with a child. He sent out a text to his coworker and offered Andi a seat on the couch while he sat in an armchair next to it. “So…?”

“You already guessed, didn’t you?”

“To be fair, both Buffy and Cyrus say my gaydar is crazy accurate. Like...one look. I guessed about you a while back. I just never said anything because I didn’t want to assume just in case...and because outing someone or getting outed is just about the worst thing that someone can go through.”

She nodded. “I’m not even sure what I am. How precise is your gaydar?”

“Accurate enough to know that what you feel towards people is authentic all the time,” he said softly. “Like how you felt for Jonah is real...but…”

“But that I probably like girls?”

“Is that what you think?” T.J. asked. 

She sighed. “How did you know?” She asked. “If...If I can ask?”

“No, no, yeah, you can,” he said. “You’re asking a layered question. First time I suspected it was when I met Reed in elementary school. I literally always wanted to hang out with him and get close to him, and what I thought was me just wanting to be his absolute very best friend to the point where I changed parts of my personality around him, copied his style, took on some of his hobbies...it took awhile for me to think that maybe I liked him as more than a friend.”

“Sounds like…” she trailed off. Even though it was the past and he was gone, she didn’t know if she should say it. 

“Like?”

“Like Cyrus,” she said, deciding to in the end. “With Jonah.”

T.J. let out a little laugh. “I swear, anyone attracted to men has had a crush on Jonah Beck.”

“Wait...you?”

“Before Reed, except I had the absolute opposite reaction. I had the ‘Little Boy who liked a girl’ reaction back in our baseball days. You know...the little dick.”

“Oh...yeah...pretty sure only Buffy was immune to his charms.”

“Only her,” T.J. laughed a little. “The first time I realized I was gay was about the end of elementary school and before middle school, I was watching Grease with my mom and...Well...those Greasers?”

“Say no more,” she laughed a little. 

“Yeah, did a bit of research...accidentally saw some of the wrong things because I didn’t know how to type things into google correctly and immediately learned how to clear the browser history…” Andi laughed a little harder at that. “And I learned the word for it, even though I didn’t actually say it. Then there’s the first time I allowed myself to have a crush.”

“Why do I have a feeling I know this one?”

“Because you do,” he said softly. “It was helping this short little boy who was afraid of everything but so fearless about the most important thing, being himself, get a muffin. The rest, is history.”

She nodded, twirling her thumbs. “It really is a journey, huh?”

“Everyone has it differently. I’ve heard some people know their whole lives, there are people who don’t figure it out until they’re in their 40s, 50s...sometimes well into their 80s even. Especially in a heteronormative society where straight is default...and I sound like him again, don’t I?”

“Cyrus has gone as far as to make four different PowerPoint presentations about that topic,” Andi said. “I could have said that part with my eyes closed, backwards, and in pig-Latin.”

T.J. smiled. “Is it someone at SAVA?”

“No,” she sighed. “That’s what makes this part absolutely the worst,” she leaned back against the couch. “I was looking through old pictures, making memory boxes like my mom did...I was gonna make it for each person that I was close to who got dusted...and...I came across this picture of me and Amber, a day after the two of us went canoeing with Buffy, Jonah, Cyrus, and Walker, and...that picture brought back feelings...similar feelings that I had with Jonah but differently. It was like...with Jonah, we closed the book, there was a final chapter relationship wise, we talked it out, and you know...the rest is history. But Amber…” 

T.J. watched her, seeing her close her eyes and try to hold it together. He slowly reached over and grabbed a box of tissues and offered it to her. She sniffed and took a few, dabbing her eyes. “You didn’t get closure.”

“I barely got it open. I was on chapter three when she got dusted, and now it’s this big hanging question mark. Besides, it’s not like I’d ever know if she even was…” she trailed off watching his face. “You know, don’t you?”

“Yeah...but I’m...you know…”

“I don’t think dusted people count as being outed...like people in history being outed,” she said, avoiding the word “dead.” 

“Then...I guess...yeah...she was. She was into girls...into you. I saw the way you two interacted at The Spoon and at your party.”

“Of course,” she slumped. “When it comes to love, I’m cursed!” 

“Yeah, Cyrus, and then Buffy gave me a crash course over time. There’ll be other girls who you’ll be able to explore relationships with. I doubt SAVA is shy of queer kids.”

“I could say the same about you,” she said, and he looked down sadly. 

“No...I know I met my one person...there’ll never be another Cyrus.”


	6. Chapter 6

“This is dumb,” Buffy said, strolling the racks. “Why is my dad making us do this?”

“Because ‘we need to have experiences we would have had otherwise,’” T.J. said. “He’s been hanging out with the Goodmans too much.”

“It’s the lost-spouse support group with them Bowie,” she said. “Strange that only Cyrus’s step parents were snapped but not his biological parents.”

“If only it was the Goodman genes that prevented them from getting snapped,” T.J. mumbled sadly. 

“We can’t think like that Jagger,” Buffy snapped. “We’re moving on...like all the therapists and counselors tell us to. Mourning but living on…”

“Yeah…” he sighed, and he started humming a tune, not really thinking, as he browsed the ties. Buffy looked over, recognizing the song as she picked up the skirt of a dress and examining the hem. She sighed, and put the dress down and touched T.J.’s arm, picking up a forest green tie and putting it around his neck, seeing how it would look with his eyes. 

“You shouldn’t sing that.”

“Sing what?”

“Jonah’s song,” she said. “I just about kicked his ass when he sang it the first time. Saying he wanted to give his life to get the others back…” She grabbed another tie, a dark blue one and compared it to the green. “You don’t think like that, do you?”

“...not all the time,” he said softly. 

“Well you shouldn’t,” she said, giving his arm a little slap. “Not at all. You’re the person that I trust the most in this world right now.”

“But...if I was able to give my life for Cyrus’s…”

“He’d be miserable here instead of you,” she said. “And we’d both be sad because we wouldn’t have you.”

He looked down and didn’t say anything else, letting Buffy pick out a tie for him. “Are you...trying to make us match?”

“Might as well,” she said. “We’re both dateless otherwise.”

“You don’t even have a dress yet.”

“Yeah, but I look good in everything. You need a little help,” she said with a smirk, and he looked back up at her and let out a little laugh. 

“Try not to make it too obvious Driscoll. And please don’t make me look like a ‘Gay Best Friend.’”

“Trust me, the amount of girls who still flirt with you,” she rolled her eyes. “You’ll never look like that. Did you know girls are tripping over themselves to be the ‘Bella’ to your ‘Edward Cullen?’”

“Please tell me you’re joking,” he said with a look of despair. “Edward Cullen?”

“Yup, they see a pretty, pale, floofy-haired, brooding boy, and they think that you’re a vampire minus the supernatural part,” she said. 

“I hate the internet ‘Twilight Renaissance.’ Besides, I’m a much better and emotionally healthy boyfriend than glitter boy.”

“The way I saw you and Cyrus interact, I one hundred percent agree,” she said, picking the green tie for him in the end and moving on to find him a black suit to match. “Every time I hear a girl call you ‘dreamy,’ I actually gag.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“I’m allowed to. What if someone said to you that they think I’m hot?”

“I’d tell them its residue from your fire moves on the court,” he said. 

“Damnit Kippen!” He laughed and she glared at him. “You’re making me look bad!”

“Payback from years of you kicking my ass on the court...whenever you could…”

“Oh, you think my moves were fire then,” she said, holding up a suit. “That’s nothing compared to now. I could dance around you and you’d never even see the ball.” 

“Oh really?” He crouched down pretending to dribble an invisible basketball. She quickly got into the same position, waiting to steal the ball. “You think you can out play The Kippen?”

“Oh I know I can,” she said, playfully stealing the fake ball and shooting it. 

“Can you, because that wasn’t the real ball, this is the real ball!” He said, holding up a hand full of nothing, and then played keep away with her, the two of them laughing and Buffy even jumping on his back as a way to try and take the ball. They laughed as they both fell to the floor, Buffy rolling off his back and next to him. 

An older woman saw them and put her hands over her heart. “You two make a lovely couple.” 

T.J. and Buffy exchanged a glance and then looked her straight in the eye. T.J. said, “I’m gay,” at the same time Buffy said, “We’re siblings.” The woman looked embarrassed and quickly hustled away and T.J. frowned, getting up and helping her up as well. 

“Why did you lie to her?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said ‘we’re siblings’ to her. But...we’re not…”

“Well, you’ve been living in my house for the last three years, being raised by my dad, and have a totally platonic relationship with me,” she said, finding the perfect suit for T.J. and putting it in his arms. “I think I can say we’ve reached sibling status in every way but formal adoption.” 

T.J. smiled and looked down at his suit. “You need a dress, Driscoll. As your official unofficial brother, I’d prefer not to see you naked.”

* * *

“You’re not going?” Lenni asked. “Why not? This is the night most people dream of!”

Jonah shrugged. “Don’t feel like it. I don’t have a date, don’t have the money for a suit...and the last time I went to a dance, T.J. and Marty were with me for the freshman homecoming dance, and we bought tap shoes and did a routine to Ke$ha’s ‘Timber.’ You were still in 8th grade at Jefferson then, but man you missed out on our dance. It was a whole production. We choreographed for weeks before hand, and we had lifts, jumping up on tables and bleachers...looks like it came right out of a Broadway musical...nothing will compare to that.” 

“You don’t have to compare it to anything,” she said. “I wish I could go, but no underclassmen. Seniors only.”

“If you could take my place, I’d let you,” Jonah said. “I’ll probably just..take a walk or whatever.”

“You’re not afraid of missing out?” 

“It would literally be just Buffy and T.J. Andi’s out on some SAVA adventure in like, Paris or something, and...that’s all...that’s all that’s left….”

“Come on Jojo,” she said. “Go out and have a little fun.”

“I’ll have fun in college. We’re all going to the same place anyways.”

Lenni perked up. “You guys decided?”

“Yeah, Midwestern State University, and we found a big house off campus that we’re all living in. It’ll be tight. Maybe T.J. will finally move on and play piano again.”

“He hasn’t in the last three years, but who knows? Maybe really needs a change of scenery.”

“Yeah,” Jonah said, plucking a few strings on his guitar, playing out a simple melody. Lenni closed her eyes and listened along, humming lightly. 

“Born this Way?”

“Reminds me of a happier time,” he said. “When we were all together, all of us singing this song at Andi’s party...we felt like we were on top of the world, like nothing could bring us down...seems like even the superheroes gave up.”

“Don’t say that!”

“Tony Stark has a kid, you really think he’s gonna do anything now? Put his family and himself in danger? They’ve given up. Even Spider-Man disappeared.”

“He could have been snapped.”

“Maybe,” Jonah sighed. “Or maybe they realized it’s pointless to try and bring back the dead.”

* * *

“You clean up nice.” 

T.J. whirled around to see Buffy with her hair and makeup done, but still in a zip-up hoodie and sweats. “Apparently. But…”

“The wrong person is complimenting you?” Buffy asked, taking the tie he was fumbling with and doing it for him. “And going with you.” She decided to do an elaborate knot instead of the simple one he was going for, enjoying the repetitive movement that tying a tie made her do. 

“You still need to put on your dress.”

“That’s the easy part,” she said. “Zipper in the back and all.” She grabbed the boutonnière they bought together and pinned it on him. “He would have loved seeing you like this...dark green and black...looks really good on you.”

“Well, I’ve seen your dress, so I know you’re going to look stunning in that too,” T.J. said. “Even if you’re going with your boyfriend’s gay best friend?”

“And I’m going with my best friend’s gay boyfriend?” She said. “I should get my dress on...We have to leave in a bit if we want to make it in time…”

“Yeah…” He watched her leave his room and his eyes went to a picture of him and Cyrus. They were at Andi’s party, and they were sitting on the bench, their bench, moments after confessing and holding hands for the first time. They weren’t holding hands in the picture, but they were sitting close and smiling at the Polaroid Andi had ambushed them with. He could stare at that picture for hours, remembering that conversation. 

_ “Is there anything else you want to know?” _

_ “Is there anything else you want to tell me?” _

_ “Yeah...is there anything you want to tell me?” _

_ “Yes.” _

That was the first time he was able to breathe freely, as himself, and where he finally started to be himself. 

He heard a throat clear and looked up, seeing Buffy in her dress, fully black and green. “You look amazing.”

“Thanks...but I need help…” she turned around to show him the open zipper, pulling her hair out of the way. He nodded and stepped forward, closing it for her. “Thanks...ready to go?”

“I guess…”

* * *

T.J. drove in silence with her, going down the streets and listening to the GPS telling them how to get to the hotel their prom was being held at. Their final social event before graduating, and both of them looked like they were going to Cyrus and Marty’s funerals...again. 

“This feels wrong, doesn’t it?” Buffy asked, breaking the silence. “We shouldn’t go…”

T.J. didn't say anything, but he switched his blinkers from left to right, and drove down the other way, a more familiar route, and ignoring the GPS yelling at him until Buffy shut it off for him. They continued their, much shorter, drive in silence. She looked out the window and smiled when T.J. pulled into a parking space and got out, going around and opening his hand out for her to get out of his Jeep. She smiled and took it, accepting the help down since the heels could have easily made her trip. 

They didn’t talk as they walked into The Spoon and sat at their usual booth, sliding in opposite each other and ordering two chocolate milkshakes and an order of baby taters. They didn’t say anything, but T.J. took out his phone and sent out a text, putting it down as he ate more taters. He eyed the ketchup bottle for a while, then he got up and put the bottle four tables away, going back and eating his taters dry. Not even mayo was good at the moment. Buffy was straight up dipping it in her milkshake. 

A few minutes later, Jonah came through the doors and slid next to T.J., not even acknowledging their fancy dress, even though the rest of The Spoon couldn’t stop staring at what should have been the prom-goers. Jonah meanwhile was wearing dirty sweatpants and Cyrus’s Bash Mitzvah sweatshirt. 

He barely got a word out to order a vanilla milkshake before he started breaking down into tears. T.J. and Buffy looked over at him in sympathy, and T.J. put his arm around Jonah, letting him cry into the tuxedo jacket. And that’s where they spent the rest of the night, sitting in a booth, eating baby taters. 


	7. Chapter 7

“Hey! Disaster Duo! This thing is heavy!” T.J. and Jonah stopped unpacking the dishes in the kitchen and headed over to where Buffy and her dad were carrying in a couch through the front door. 

“I’m starting to resent that name, you know,” Jonah said. “We are not the disaster duo.”

“Jonah, you personally have broken a fire alarm after breaking a microwave,” T.J. said. “You cause disasters.”

“And what about you?” Jonah said. “You’re reckless and have no regard for your safety.”

“Yes, but my disasters are purely intentional,” he said, and they both helped the Driscolls carry the couch through the door and into the living room. 

“You’re both my favorite idiots. Niceberg and Docious Magocious,” Buffy said, setting down the couch and playfully pinching their cheeks. 

“She’s never letting that go, is she?” Jonah asked.

“Nope. Never,” T.J. laughed, grabbing Jonah’s shoulder and pulling him away from Buffy and back to the kitchen to finish unpacking. “But now, Miss Cocky can handle everything else herself.”

“Well she is, at the very least, tied with you in terms of who’s stronger.”

“Second place,” T.J. said. 

“First place!” Buffy argued. 

“Both are freakishly strong and annoying about it,” Andi said, deciding to settle the debate from where she was in the living room, hanging some paintings she made at SAVA. 

“Agreed,” Jonah laughed. “Do you need help Andi?”

“Nah, my dad’ll be back any second. He’s just grabbing the last of the things we need from Target.”

“Bowie is awesome for helping out so much,” T.J. said. “Didn’t he find the place?”

“By complete accident,” Andi said. “He was driving up here to get more information on Snap Survivor Financial Aid, and he saw the open house, FaceTimed me, and I loved it. Then you guys just agreed on the rent price and trusted me. A horrible decision ninety percent of the time, but this time it seems to have paid out.”

“Yeah...now you get to claim the master bedroom,” T.J. said. “I see your play, Mack.”

“T.J., you unofficially get two rooms,” she said. “So does Buffy.”

“You’re all hilarious,” Buffy said. “Don’t get jealous of our weirdly formed but pretty epic friendship. Plus, cuddling is amazing, platonic or romantic.”

“Will, meet Grace; Grace, meet Will,” Jonah said, doing a mock introduction. 

“Does that make you Jack?” Buffy asked. 

“Please, if anything, he’s Karen,” Andi joked. 

“I could deal with being married to Nick Offerman,” he joked. They all started laughing and goofing off, until T.J. opened another box, incorrectly labeled to belong in the living room when it was filled with mementos, and T.J. pulled out a graduation cap.

* * *

_ “Andi...these are perfect,” Jonah said, running his fingers over the finished cap. When Buffy, Jonah, and T.J. went to pick up their caps and gowns for graduation, Andi confiscated their caps immediately, saying she had an idea for them and she was going to take advantage since the graduation ceremony at SAVA didn’t come with caps and gowns, but wearing all white and then getting colored powder thrown at them. Now, as everyone was getting ready at the Driscoll house, she came back with the royal blue hats.  _

_ “I thought it would be the best way to close out the year, especially since...you know…” _

_ “Yeah…” T.J. said, looking at his. The bottom part was still blue, but the top was plastered over with black, and covered with stars. On top, there were two puzzle pieces, separated and standing out against the black, and on those pieces were pictures of Cyrus and Marty. Each person had a different picture of them, showing off who they were to each one.  _

_ Jonah had a picture of Cyrus in his “team supporter” multipurpose vest at a Space Otters Match, and Marty holding up tap shoes from the freshman homecoming dance. Buffy’s hat had a picture of Cyrus when he dressed up as a Greaser, and a picture of Marty crossing the finish line at a marathon, thought the picture cropped out Buffy riding on his back. T.J.’s hat had a picture of Marty holding half a giant stuffed bear from when the two of them made a bear bigger than they were and gave it to Buffy and Cyrus on their shared one year anniversary, and the picture of Cyrus was one he hadn’t seen before, but he knew exactly what it was and it warmed his heart. In the picture, Cyrus was holding up a pan of freshly baked blueberry macadamia muffins.  _

_ “Andi...these…” He he ran his fingers over them. “This is absolutely amazing…” _

_ “They should be at graduation. They deserved a spot there with you guys.” _

_ He nodded, feeling the tears catch on his throat. He could almost hear Cyrus gushing about graduating and going to college. ‘The next step of our lives Teej!’ He would say. ‘Officially taking the first step into the real world!’ “They absolutely should be.”  _

_ “And we’ll bring them,” Buffy said. “Maybe this will get the fucking Avengers to get off their asses and find a way to bring them back, like they’ve been promising this entire time.” Everyone was quiet. They’ve all started to accept that those snapped were dead for good, for no good reason, even if they spread false messages of hope, just so they could keep moving forward. “Andi, come help me pin this hat to my hair?” _

_ “Sure.” _

* * *

“Wow...I didn’t expect to see that too soon,” Buffy said, looking over his shoulder. He was holding her cap, and looking over Cyrus as a Greaser. 

“Man...he was really cute,” he chuckled. “I wish I met him earlier.”

“Well if you thought he was a ball of anxiety when you met him,” Andi said. “You should have seen him throughout elementary school. He had like, four first aid kits in his backpack at all times.”

“Yeah, and he always had an extra sweater and hat with him at all times, so that if he stained his main sweater, or one of us was cold, or either of us had a bad hair day, we’d be covered,” Buffy said.

“And the vest he wore at all Space Otter matches?” Jonah said, coming in closer. “If I got stranded on an island wearing that vest, I’d survive for the next ten years on the contents of the pockets alone before I had to learn survival skills.”

“How could someone be that...amazing?” T.J. said, smiling. He still missed Cyrus with everything in him. Without Cyrus, he wouldn’t have the people surrounding him and showering him with love. “Create so much good in the world by just existing?”

“Well, like he would say…” Buffy looked around and the other two nodded and they all said it together. 

*“Just another service we provide.”*

* * *

“First night in the new house,” Andi said, approaching Jonah with a cup of hot cocoa she made. Buffy and T.J. were outside, playing basketball with the hoop they set up in the driveway. “How do you feel?”

“Weird, honestly,” he said. “This is us living unsupervised for the first time. I mean, I lived with my parents, sleeping at friends’ houses, but I was still with my parents, then I moved in with Lenni...now it’s just my co-idiot and my best friends.”

“Yeah...I mean, I’m used to the living somewhat alone thing, since I lived with Libby when her roommate got snapped, and I found it hard to stay at Cece’s house...and then the first apartment I shared with my mom, and later my mom and dad…” she sighed. “Man, I thought my life could not get weirder after my thirteenth birthday…”

“When you found out the whole Bex is your mom thing?” 

“Yeah,” she said. “Wow...I wish I could go back, and hug her immediately and tell her that I forgive her...that she shouldn’t have to be sorry...I mean...I’m 18...I’m two years older than she was when she and my dad had me...I understand her now...I wouldn’t be ready to have a kid now, so how could I expect her to be able to? All she needed was time, and she ended up being the best mom ever…” she started feeling tears come down from her eyes. “Man, why am I crying?” She sniffed, then she started letting out a few cries, feeling the full impact hit her. “I miss my mom...both of my moms…” 

Jonah put his arm around her and held her, letting her cry into him. “I know...I miss my mom too. And my dad…” she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. “But, I know that she’d be proud of me, and no matter what happens...I’ll always have my best friends around me.” 

“I love you, Jonah.”

“Love you too, Andiman.”

* * *

“You think we’re too close sometimes?” Buffy asked, removing her makeup in front of the mirror. T.J. shrugged and spit out his toothpaste before rinsing his toothbrush and his mouth. Since Andi had taken over the master bedroom with an en-suite bathroom, there were three rooms left, one with a bathroom just down the hall from it, and the other two sharing a Jack and Jill bathroom. It wasn’t even a question who was going to share that bathroom and have those rooms. 

“We’ve lived together for like, three, almost four years now,” he said. “We officially shared a bathroom all that time, unofficially shared bedrooms…I probably have more shirts in my closet you’ve cried on than basketball jerseys...and that's saying something,” he said, roasting himself. 

“True…” she said. “Your room or mine?”

“Yours,” he said. “Still haven’t finished my room.”

“Dude...you were in there for like, two hours alone.”

“Yeah...but...I found some of my mom’s old albums I saved from the old house, and went through them.”

“Alright, you’re forgiven...for now.” She said, heading into her room with him. He followed her and crawled into the bed, scrolling on his phone while she turned off the overhead light and then got under the covers with him. He didn’t even have to look up from his phone to raise his arm and wrap it around her, feeling both of them instantly and subconsciously relax in this position they got used to.

“I’m pretty sure the cuddling is what makes most people think we’re too close,” Buffy said after thinking for a minute. 

“People who find something wrong with this can go fuck right the fuck off,” he said. “At least our coping mechanism is healthy, leaning on friendships.”

She nodded, waiting a few more minutes for T.J. to set the alarms and charge his phone for the night before looking up at him. “Do you really think Cyrus was your endgame?”

“That’s a way to put it…”

“I’m serious, Jagger, even if my words sound stupid.”

“Those words indeed sound very stupid,” he teased. “But yeah...it’s hard to explain, but...in a way, I knew even back when we were silly fourteen year olds. He just...made every part of me a better person, he made me want it, and not just for him…”

Buffy frowned. “But you just said-“

“I mean...I didn’t *just* want to be a better person to be worthy of Cyrus Goodman, Cyrus pulled the curtain open and made me realize I wanted to be a better person for myself, for my friends...at least, the friends I would eventually make...he showed me *why* becoming a better person would be better for me. And...I liked what I saw. That’s how I know...you know?” He looked down at her. “Why? Were you thinking about Marty?”

She didn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t know if he was my person. I mean...I know I loved him, even before I knew I loved him, I loved him. He bantered with me, challenged me, got on my level, called me out on my shit...on paper, he was perfect for me.”

“So...where’s your doubt?”

“You and Cyrus were best friends before dating. Marty and I didn’t really get that. It was just...pining...missed opportunities, and then, finally, the party. It feels like I was finally getting to the good part of a book, almost to the halfway point...and then...poof.”

“Poof…” T.J. sighed, then he paused, his heart started pounding. 

“What is it?” She frowned, feeling him tense up. 

“Buff...I think...this might be one of the first times we talked about them completely and fully in the past tense...I think...we just finally accepted...I don’t want to...but…”

“We finally accepted that they’re really...truly gone…”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dare you to read the bottom notes

Their freshman year ended up being quite brutal. None of them had remotely similar classes, books were found everywhere around the house, and in the first month, were so easily mixed up that Andi had to make giant stickers of their names and stick it on all the covers. They also discovered some interesting habits about each other. 

It turns out that Buffy would often study outside, in between the thousands of games she played, to the point where they had to institute a new rule: she had to wipe her feet outside and shake her books out too. She argued that styling sports communication meant that her books had to live in a sports environment. Jonah argued that dirt and grass were annoying to clean out of the carpets. 

Andi’s books were constantly living on drying racks. She typically painted while she studied and often spilled her brush water on her books. By the end of the semester, all of her books were off color or multicolored, and crinkled beyond belief, but at least they were still legible. 

Jonah would start each semester with a fully bound book, new condition, and it looked nice. But Jonah also had disasters follow him around no matter how hard he tried. That beautifully bound book at the beginning of the semester would fully transition to binders by the end of the semester, with the binding breaking and him having to photocopy pages from other people’s books and add them to the binder. Because of his disaster prone-nature, he was also forbidden from cooking. He had to buy ingredients and beg one of the others to cook for him. 

T.J. had the funniest habit by far though. Since he was studying Early Childhood Education with a focus on Learning Disabilities, he had to take a math class on teaching math to children. For some reason -one that nobody could explain- whenever he got frustrated, he would stick his textbook inside the freezer. 

_ “T.J.! Why is your math book in the freezer again?!” _

_ “Because it’s hard and it hates me!” _

_ “Elsa isn’t going to cure dyscalculia! Put the book somewhere else!” _

When they all finished their last final of their first year, the first thing they did was sleep all day. Jonah and Andi even zombie-walked to T.J.’s room and flopped on the bed on top of the two. T.J. wanted to complain because he was the person on the bottom with three people on top of him, but then Jonah curled up like a puppy on his stomach and he didn’t have the heart to. Instead he pet Jonah behind the ears and laughed when he heard him whimper. 

The next thing they did was pack up T.J.’s Jeep and drove back home to Shadyside, where Bowie and Buffy’s dad were waiting for them with warm hugs and even better food. They all sat around a table eating the feast prepared for them and sharing stories from college, at least, the cleaned up versions for parents.

* * *

Bowie was cleaning up in the kitchen when Andi came in after him, listening to him hum something. “I hate it when you do that…” she said softly, helping him wash the dishes. “You do it a lot…”

“Do what?” 

“Hum Jonah’s song.” 

He stopped and sighed. “Andi…”

“Do you really think that?” She asked with a choked sob.

“Not really,” he said. “But I see how much you miss them...your mom and Cece...and I keep imagining the stuff you guys went through together...how you guys really bonded as sisters, then as a mother and daughter...and I wasn’t even there for most of your life…”

“I don’t care,” she said. “You’re my dad. I don’t want to trade you for anyone ever, and that includes mom. You came into my life when I was thirteen, yeah, but that’s not your fault, and every second you’ve been in it, my life has been better.”

“Every second’s better with you too, Schmoo.” He said, pulling her in for a forehead kiss. “I just miss them too. My wife and my plant buddy.”

“Hopefully you miss them in that order,” Andi teased. 

“Well...honestly, I have no idea what the right answer is because both of them could be looming around looking to give me bad karma,” he joked. “Because both of them could attack me for saying one over the other…”

They both laughed and she hugged him tighter. “I miss my two moms...but I’m glad I have my dad by my side...always.”

* * *

“Oh my god...Andi! Look! They made Pumpkin Doughnuts available year round now!” Buffy said laughing, pulling her friend by the arm closer to the store. “So that’s now available in the middle of the summer.”

“This is insane!” She laughed, and then turned around. “And here’s where the bikes were stolen! Yours and Cyrus’s...but not old rusty Skidboot!”

“That bike was so horrible nobody wanted to steal it!” Buffy laughed. 

“Remember how we had to walk afterwards, and Cyrus lost his shoe in quicksand?” 

“You had to carry him on your back!”

T.J. and Jonah smiled, watching the two laugh and remember old times. “What is this place?”

“Well,” Buffy said. “One day, back in the days of old…”

“Meaning around the fourth grade,” Andi supplemented. 

“Andi, Cyrus, and I had the most absolute perfect day. Pumpkin doughnuts and cider, and riding our bikes to the Alpine slide.”

“Then...we tried to recreate it in the seventh grade before we thought Buffy was going to move, disastrously,” Andi said laughing. “Stolen bikes, we got covered in mud, left our phones and wallets in a cop car…”

“Literally everything that could have gone wrong went wrong, and I ended up carrying a shoeless Cyrus on my back, covered in mud, terrified of a bee sting he got,” she shared a look with Andi. “It was a perfect day in the end.” 

“The best day,” she agreed. “We’ll literally never forget it.” They looked at each other and hugged. 

“Hey...this place is actually close to the 24 hour sports store,” Jonah said. 

“Oh no way!”

“What’s the 24 hour sports store?” Andi asked.

“Well, it’s how the trio you know and love happened,” T.J. said. “It was after the six of us were hanging out, then you two and Cyrus were going to do your usual sleepover together, and we were about to just head home...but Marty remembered the sports store was having this ridiculous sale.” 

“It was like, seventy-five percent off, right, so naturally we all go to check it out,” Jonah continued. “Well, we still have a video on our instagram of Marty wearing size three girl’s toddler shoes and running down the aisles, and then both he and T.J. tried this treadmill and fell off,” he was laughing. 

“We ended up finding a broken frisbee in the free bin and Jonah taught us Ultimate,” T.J. said. “And we ended up with five dollars between us and splitting an order of Chicken McNuggets and a McFlurry at 1 a.m. until we were able to crash at Marty’s house for the night. His sister is the one who started calling us the dumbass trio.”

“Juliana?” Buffy asked. “We still have conversations in Portuguese on Facebook Messenger.”

“Still learning?” Jonah asked, and both she and T.J. responded simultaneously, saying “Yes.”

“You two are still freaky close,” Andi said. “Which is funny because it was right there you called that boy there ‘Toxic T.J. Kippen.’”

“Eh...misguided at best,” she said, giving him a little, playful nudge. 

* * *

They walked around Shadyside for longer, reminiscing about places they grew up and where they’ve been. T.J. actually stopped them in front of his old house, now inhabited by a new family. “There used to be piano music that you could hear from here if we left the windows open.”

“That’s what that was,” Andi said. “From your mom’s lessons.”

“Yeah...I lowkey loved hearing the mess ups because that meant that it was someone trying their best, learning slowly, getting stronger...it’s an amazing thing because you could tell who was playing if you listened long enough, and you could just...hear them get better. And she mostly taught little kids, and whenever there were kids waiting for their lesson in our living room, I’d go out there with Uno cards, or a board game, and we’d play to pass the time...I’d get to know them…”

“I never thought you were the kind to love kids when I first met you,” Buffy said. “When Cyrus told me you worked at the Jackson Street Gym...I didn’t believe him for a good twenty minutes, until he was way too specific with details.”

“Kids never judge you if you’re the older one,” he said. “They’re honest, and they don’t put out a fake image so people like them...Especially kids now...who can grow up mostly being themselves, unafraid, not forcing themselves to hide…”

“Never even going in a closet in some cases?” Andi asked, and he nodded. 

“Fuck that closet.”

“Cyrus would feel that same way,” Buffy said. “Hey...didn’t the Goodmans move somewhere around here?”

“Yeah, just down the street into a two-bedroom apartment,” T.J. said, pointing. He emailed Cyrus’s parents quite regularly. “Funny that after divorcing and everything, they ended up moving in together.”

“They had a pretty chill divorce,” Andi remembered. “They realized they were better friends than they were a couple, and that they made a wonderful Cyrus together, and they’d only make everyone miserable if they tried to ‘stick it out’ and ‘make it work.’”

“Yeah, they divorced as best friends, so them moving in together…” Buffy started, then she frowned, trailing off. 

Jonah laughed. “They’re the two of you!” 

Buffy and T.J. exchanged a look, and cracked up. “No wonder Cyrus liked us so much!”

* * *

They ended up going to the Goodmans apartment and having an afternoon cup of coffee with them, sharing stories about Cyrus, and T.J. catching the two of them up on what he’d been working on in college with learning disabilities. Andi watched the interaction and smiled, thinking about how close the Goodmans and T.J. got while he and Cyrus were together. They were interacting like Bowie interacted with Cece...like they really believed that he was going to be their son-in-law.

When they left two hours later, Buffy put her arm around T.J. “Was that...weird for you?”

“It used to be,” he said. RIght after the snap, I’d go over to one of their houses, and they’d both be there. At first, we sat around quietly, just sharing some snacks in silence, all of us mourning Cyrus. Then, we slowly got to talking. It was like...exploring what Cyrus’s growth would have been through my own growth. I ended up looking forward to our Friday meetings around my junior year of high school, and we Skyped at least once a month when we went to college.”

“They’d call us sometimes too,” Andi said. “A lot more infrequently though. They saw enough of our faces growing up and seeing our growth...you were a new element in Cyrus’s life.” 

“Cyrus was the best thing that happened to me,” he said. “Because of him, I ditched my old toxic life and got to be friends with all of you.” 

They all huddled around him and hugged him. “You’re pretty great too,” Jonah said. “I’m glad Cyrus kinda forced us into being your friend.”

“Best coercion ever,” he laughed. “And there’s the park with the swing set!”

“You love that swing set,” Buffy laughed, and they all started walking there. “He literally mumbles ‘swings….swinging swings….” When he’s really asleep.”

“Exposing my secrets, Drooly Driscoll?” She mock gasped as they all stepped on the wood chips that separated the playground from the rest of the park. T.J. sat down on his swing and looked over at the empty swing next to him. Andi and Buffy sat down on the ground in front of him and Jonah placed his feet inside the toddler swing part and crouched, making the other three laugh. 

“You’re gonna hurt yourself, Magocious.”

“You mean Jocious Beckoucious,” Andi said. 

“You’re both wrong,” Jonah said. “It’s Jonocious Docious Becktastic Magocious. If you’re gonna make fun of my name, do it right.”

T.J. laughed. “At least you don’t have to deal with Tippen Jippen Kippen.”

“You know we’d stop it the instant we learned your real name…” Jonah said, leaning in closer like T.J. was going to whisper it in his ear. 

“Alright.”

“Wait...really?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god,” Andi squealed. “We’ll learn the mystery!”

“Momentous occasion!” Jonah said. “Speak now your name!”

“It’s…” T.J. leaned in, seeing the other two lean in. “Tocious Jagocious.”

They both literally screamed at that, pulling away laughing. “That’s not true!”

“You’re right...it’s actually Tscary-Jasketball-KGuy.”

“You ass!”

T.J. laughed and looked over at the seat next to him, the empty seat. “Well...that was one of my names for a while. Scary Basketball Guy. Cyrus called me that. He even said it to me that day. It was after Buffy and I got in a fight about math...she thought I wasn’t trying at first…”

“Then this big beautiful brain realized you had a learning disability,” Buffy said. 

“Yeah...and Cyrus was here after a panic attack about a video, right?” T.J. said. 

“Yeah, I remember that,” Jonah said. “He was all sweaty and ran out.”

“He came here...and I just...I heard him singing. It was the swing song…”

Buffy and Andi started singing the song they knew. “Legs go up, legs go down That's how we make the swing go 'round Drag your feet, you go slow The more you drag, the less you go…”

“Yeah...that song...he was just so...authentic about himself...I loved it. It was so different than what my old friends would have been like. He helped me calm down by swinging...I made him swing higher...That’s how I started calling him Underdog actually.”

They all sat quietly, listening to his story. They knew bits and pieces, but this is the first time they were hearing it in its entirety. “Then I came in and ruined your romantic moment,” Buffy joked. 

“Kinda, yeah…” he chuckled. “I can’t believe it’s been almost five years now...We were at this swing when he was snapped…” he stared at the empty seat, and a tear came to him. “I thought he was ignoring me at first...because I didn’t look over when it happened...then I thought he was hiding as a joke...then maybe some of the Jackson High homophobes like...kidnapped him or something...I don’t know…”

“Then I called you…”

“Then you called me Buffy...told me what you saw...and I saw the little ash pile right there...a bit on the swing and a lot under it. I stuffed it into a Pringle’s can and took it to Mr. Goodman, then I didn’t even think before I went to Buffy’s.”

“Where you never left,” she joked, getting up giving him a side hug and a platonic kiss to the top of his head. 

“I hate getting used to the fact he’s gone...that everyone we know is gone…” T.J. felt something and he looked down to see Andi took his hand, then looked over to see Jonah took Buffy’s. 

“We have each other though...so...can’t be all bad,” Jonah said. 

“I think we made the absolute best we could out of this,” Andi agreed. 

Suddenly they felt a small breeze, but the whole atmosphere seemed to change. They didn’t really think to pay attention to it, until they heard a voice come right next to them. 

“When did you guys get here?”

Everyone froze, holding their breath. They met each other’s eyes, silently asking if the others heard it too. They were afraid to look over...it couldn’t be...could it?

“Hello? Is there sound coming out?”

They squeezed each other’s hands and their breaths caught in their throats, because sitting on that previously empty swing, was an impossible sight. There sat Cyrus Goodman. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I triple dog dare you to comment


	9. Chapter 9

“Okay...are you guys going to say something, or just stare at me like I grew a second head?”

They couldn’t stop staring at him. Sitting on the other swing was Cyrus Goodman, in a blue button down and black jeans, just like he was the day he vanished, but with one very noticeable difference: he looked older, like he was their age. Jonah was the first to make words come out. “C...Cy?”

“Yeah?”

“Oh my god…” 

T.J. felt like he was hit by a truck. There he was, the boy he fell in love with, looking older, but in the same position he was in five years ago. He had just accepted his death, he was over the years of crying at night, wishing he was holding him instead of Buffy as they fell asleep, and here he was in front of him. 

Buffy and Andi were just as frozen as he was. They literally avoided each other for years because it felt wrong, being together without him. They were the Good Hair Crew, a name he coined...he literally made t-shirts for them with that name. It was painful not having him around, their personal pocket of sunshine who lived to make his friends happy. 

“Cyrus…” Jonah got out. “What’s...the last thing you remember?”

“Well…” he said, swinging a little, looking at them confused. “I was here with T.J. after we had lunch at The Spoon like usual. But I have no idea where you guys came from.”

“Cy…” T.J. finally was able to say, feeling tears form in his eyes. He got off his swing and moved closer, touching his face and falling to his knees when he felt warm skin underneath his fingertips. 

“You guys look...different…” he said slowly. “All of you…”

“Underdog...your memory…” T.J. was letting tears fall from his face. “That happened _ five years ago.” _

“What? What are you talking about...is this some sort of prank?” He asked, looking around, his face going from just confused to scared and confused. Jonah hopped off the stupid toddler swing and hugged Cyrus tightly, breathing as evenly as he could to avoid setting off a panic attack. He had five years worth of therapy to learn how to keep himself in control. 

“Wait...if you’re here…” he pulled away and looked at Cyrus then the others. “I...I have to go!”

“Go,” T.J. said. Jonah nodded and started sprinting down the street, to his old apartment. Buffy and Andi also rushed forward to hug him, then looked at T.J.

“We…”

“I get it.”

They hugged Cyrus again and then they also ran off in different directions, leaving T.J. alone with him. “Teej?”

“Cyrus…” he was fully crying now and hugged him, leaning on his shoulder and holding him. Cyrus even had to get off the swing and get on his knees in front of him, hugging him back. 

“Teej...was it really five years ago?” He felt T.J. nod against his shoulder. “Am...am I the same as you remember me?” He felt him shake his head. “Am I your age?”

T.J. pulled away and looked at him, really looked at him. It was Cyrus. The same brown eyes, the same tousled dark brown hair...even his button down looked the same, down to the crinkles in the right places, but his face, everything else about him, was older. Like he was preserved in a stasis chamber, growing older but somehow still the same. “Yeah…”

“And you’re now…”

“Nineteen...you should be turning nineteen in a few months…”

“But...I turned fourteen last year,” he said. “At least...for me…for me, it was a second...I blinked and saw you swinging higher and higher, and then...the four of you...and no Marty or Amber…”

“They’re gone too...at least...they were...because...if you’re back…” he gasped a little right as his phone vibrated and he pulled it out, with Cyrus’s eyes widening. 

“Wow...that phone update alone is proof time really did pass. That and Andi’s slightly longer hair…”

T.J. was still holding Cyrus and read the text from Jonah, his heart feeling like it was going to burst out of his chest and start running a marathon. -THEY’RE BACK!-

* * *

Bowie was on the couch alone a minute ago, but then he got up to heat up some leftover pizza and heard laughing as the microwave beeped. He frowned, wondering if the episode of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ he was watching had randomly put a funny moment in the middle of the sad scene he left on, or that Andi was coming back to the apartment with her friends and he heard them through the door. But nothing could have prepared him for what he did see.

He came back through the doorway and dropped the plate with reheated pizza, freezing where he was.

“Bowie, babe,” Bex said, lounging on the couch, sitting across from Celia. “You said you were going to make popcorn for the movie.” Then she frowned. “Babe, you okay?” 

Bowie slowly made his way over and touched her arm. She was real, she was here. “You’re...you’re here…”

“Bowie, you’re starting to scare me.”

He threw his arms around her and hugged her, crying. Celia also looked around bewildered, until she saw a picture on the coffee table that wasn’t there a second ago, at least, not in her perspective. “Bowie...how is there a picture of Andi with her friends in graduation gowns? And why isn’t Cyrus in the picture?” Then she looked closer. “Why does she look older?”

“What?!” Bex went to grab the picture when the front door slammed open. Both women looked over and Bowie looked up, and they saw Andi, but older than the fourteen year old girl, no longer with a pixie cut but now a beautiful little bob, covering her mouth with her hands, also tearing up. “Andi? What...what’s going on?”

“Mom?” She whispered, coming closer, and Bowie nodded. “Mom...you’re...you’re here...and you’re back…”

“Back?” She frowned and looked at Bowie and Celia. “Where was I?” 

“You and Cece...mom…” she fell between the two of them, hugging them. 

“Bex and I what?” She asked, hugging Andi back regardless.

“I...I know it feels like it was just a second or two for you guys...because that’s what Cyrus felt…” she said, looking over at Bowie, who seemed to light up at the news as well. “But...you guys vanished five years ago…”

“We...we what?”

* * *

Buffy didn’t feel the pavement underneath her feet as she ran down the street. Cyrus appeared where he vanished, and that meant only one thing: the last time she saw her mom and Marty, they were sitting around the dinner table, she had invited him to dinner. 

11.5.

That used to be the time to beat.

11.5.

That was Marty’s time.

11.5.

She knew she was beating that time without even trying now. She just needed to be back home, and before she could properly register it, she was going through her door and standing in her kitchen, watching her mom and Marty look confused at the empty table and her mom questioning why Marty looked older, and him at a loss for words. Then they both looked over and saw her. 

Buffy wanted to rush over and hug them, cry into their shoulders, and tell them how much she missed them, how much she needed them over the years, show them the t-shirts she stained with mascara when she cried into T.J.’s shoulder and chest. But she ended up falling to her knees, curled up in half, crying and hugging herself. Her mom got up from her seat at the table and hugged her, and only then did Buffy hug her back holding her tightly, tighter than any time her mom came back from being deployed. 

“Buffy...my little plum...what happened?” She asked gently. 

“Some...some stupid...Stu-stupid avengers shit…” she hiccuped. Marty got up and knelt behind her, rubbing her back until she brought him into the hug, hugging them both. 

“What kind of Avengers...thing?” Her mother said, not worrying too much about her daughter cursing in front of her, and too confused by why her daughter seemed to mature from a young teen to a young adult in what felt like minutes to her. 

“You were gone…” she whispered, burying her face in Marty’s neck. “You were both gone...completely…” 

“What do you mean gone?” Marty asked, looking down at his hands. Even that felt different somehow. How could it be different?

“You...you two turned to dust right before my eyes...because some supervillain...Thanos...he did something…I thought I’d never see you guys again…”

“When did that happen Buffy?” 

“You’re...you’re back…”

“Buffy, please,” her mom begged, pulling away a little to try and look into her eyes. “How long were we gone?”

“Five years...it would have been five years two months from now…”

“What?” Marty looked down at Buffy, at how much older she looked, at how much older he looked around her. “Five...five?”

“Five,” she sniffed. “It’s June of 2024…”

“Oh...oh my god...You…” Her mom fell back on her knees in shock and gently pulled her face out of Marty’s shoulder to get a look at her, then she started tearing up. “You...went through high school...you graduated high school without me?”

“I missed high school with my friends?”

“You’re probably in college now.” 

“I missed five years?”

“Yeah…” Buffy sniffed. “I’m at Midwestern State...with T.J., and Jonah, and Andi...we rent a house together…I’m majoring in Sports Communication and I’m on the G.I. Bill…”

“I missed all this?” Her mom asked. “I already miss so much of your life when I’m deployed...but…” she met her eyes and brushed her hair back. “I’m so proud of you, I’m always proud of you...I just wish I could have been proud of you every step of the way.”

“I wish you were there too.”

“Wait…” Marty looked down at himself. “Am I legally an adult?”

Buffy and her mom stared at Marty, cocking their eyebrows, then they burst out laughing and hugged each other again, letting themselves feel every emotion that hit them on that kitchen floor. 

* * *

T.J. was squeezing Cyrus’s hand so tightly, there were moments they both thought he was going to break it. When the others left, they literally sat against a tree trunk talking for two hours straight, with T.J. answering every one of Cyrus’s questions, their legs tangled with each other and Cyrus resting his head on T.J.’s shoulder. “I can’t believe five years have passed...and I’m five years older than I was an hour ago...at least, what felt like an hour ago for me…”

“I wish it felt like an hour for me,” T.J. said. “It was the longest five years I could imagine. Every time something good happened, like when I got over 500 points on the math section of the SATs...I wanted to run to you and show you…”

“Teej...I wish I was there…” Cyrus looked up at him. “I wanted to be there…experience all of this with you...and you probably shared it with someone else.”

“Only if you count Buffy.”

“Buffy?”

“Yeah…” he chuckled. “We got really close, like...really close. Jonah and Andi keep teasing us about it. I even moved in with her throughout high school since my parents...oh my god...oh my god my parents…”

“Your parents?”

“They were gone like you...that’s why I’ve been living with Buffy...and if you’re back...and everyone’s back…” he looked at Cyrus. “Can you come with me?”

“I’d love to!” 

T.J. smiled and got up, then helped him up, so happy to see him that he couldn’t resist and leaned in and kissed Cyrus, holding him close. Cyrus was a little surprised at first, but quickly melted into the kiss, holding him back. “After all this time?” He asked when they separated. “You still like me?”

“No...I still love you.”

* * *

T.J. held Cyrus’s hand the entire walk to his old house, stopping at the door, hearing a slight commotion inside. “Oh no…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Mr. Driscoll and I sold the house…”

“Oh...oh no….”

They heard more shouting and T.J. decided to Google something quickly, smiling at the first result before knocking on the door. A very frazzled looking man opened the door. “What?! Oh! You…you’re the boy who was here when we bought this house.”

“Yes sir,” T.J. said. “And the strangers in your house...they’re my parents. Look!” He held out the phone to the BBC article talking about what scientists were now calling “The Blip,” and the previously snapped citizens of the world returning to where they were before.

“Oh! I see...of course...come in, please...Honey! It’s okay!” He ran over and collected his wife, who was holding a rolling pin up while the Kippens had grabbed the closest utensils, a wooden spoon and a colander, and held those up like weapons. 

“Who are you people! You’re in our house!” Emily shouted. 

“Mom!” T.J. stepped in front of them, first needing to protect everyone involved, then softening when he looked into their eyes. “Mom...dad…”

“T.J.?” Peter put the colander on the counter and stepped forward. “You look...older than you did this morning…”

“It wasn’t this morning…” he replied, barely managing a whisper. “It was five years ago…” 

“Five…” Emily looked around. “Our house...our things…”

“There was a lot of damage in this house when we bought it,” the new homeowner said. “We think there was looting after the Snap.”

“The Snap?” Peter asked. 

“Some...evil, fu-messed up purple alien decided to wipe out half of existence and with magic or science or...whatever it was that I don’t understand, he snapped his fingers with this...this thing on, and he turned half the world to dust...but half of what he saw as his world was all of mine because he took you two...and Cyrus...and even Marty...and you all came back just now…” he was crying profusely. “I missed you guys so much...I missed all of you so much…” he was starting to break down, unable to speak, and his mom quickly wrapped her arms around him, followed by his father, as they all cried. Cyrus looked on from the corners, wiping his own tears with the sleeve of his shirt, until T.J. pulled away and looked over at him. “Get in here, Underdog!” 

Even the new homeowners teared up, watching the four of them hug, and Emily pulled back to look at her son’s face, seeing how grown up he was. Eventually, the new residents cleared their throats awkwardly. “We’ll uh...give you folks a few moments, considering everything. We’ll be in the living room…” and left them in the kitchen. 

Eventually, the hug pile broke apart. “I can’t believe it...five years...five years of our lives are just...gone? Like that?” 

“You’re telling me…” Cyrus said softly. “An hour ago for me, I was fourteen…”

“I was getting orange juice…” Peter said. “Waiting for my son to come back from his date.”

“An hour ago...my friends and I were walking around this place finally allowing ourselves to revisit the memories we’ve been trying to repress all this time,” T.J. said softly. 

“Oh...Thelly…” Emily cried again. “All these years...you went to high school! Are you in college?”

He nodded. “Midwestern State...Early Childhood Education major…”

“Oh my...you’re so...you did all this despite us being...where were you all this time?” 

“With Buffy and her dad...I still have almost all of my stuff there...the rest of it is at the house we’re all renting together for college…we just renewed the lease for next year. I sold most of your things that first year though...I couldn’t really look at it, and the rest is in a storage unit.”

“Most?” Peter questioned. 

“The house wasn’t looted...at the end of that first week...I was just so...Buffy and I took baseball bats to it...including the piano…” 

“You destroyed your grandmother’s piano?” 

“I also threw my keyboard out of a second story window...I couldn’t look at it...or play it...without thinking of you…”

“You...have violent coping mechanisms…” Cyrus said. “But...it’s okay, because you’re here...and you’re safe.”

“Right...you’re here...you’re safe...we’re together...even if we’re five years too late,” Peter said, hugging the boys again.

T.J. pressed his tears to his dad’s shirt, his hand finding Cyrus’s again. Their fingers fit together perfectly, even after all that time, and holding his hand now was just like holding it back when he was a fourteen year old on a bench outside Andi’s party. He was never letting that hand go again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dare you to read the bottom note

Andi sat between Celia and Bex, holding their hands as she told them everything that happened in those five years, while Bowie showed them pictures of Andi’s galleries, birthday’s, her prom dress that Libby helped make, and her graduation dress that was originally white and covered in colorful dyes and powders from the celebration. Going through each one, Bex and Celia teared up, hugging Andi. 

“We missed all of this?” Bex asked. “We missed five years of our daughter’s life?”

“Mom...you’re back now,” Andi said. “We didn’t think you were coming back, ever.”

“Andi...last time I saw you, you were home after doing your freshman year homecoming art piece for SAVA using your paper crane ideas to make one giant crane. Now, you’re in college, living on your own...being an adult...I already missed 13 years of being your mother! Now I missed 5 years of even having you in my life at all!”

“Bex…” Bowie took her hand.

“No Bowie,” Celia said. “We’re not mad at either of you two, it’s not your fault...but we’re angry! Someone decided to take away five years from us! Are we even older than we were?!”

Bowie said “I don’t know,” at the same time that Andi said “Yes.”

“Yes? How do you know?”

“Because of Cyrus...he vanished as a fourteen year old, and he came back looking our age, so I’m guessing in several months, he’s going to turn 19 since that was the birthday coming up.”

“Five years...just gone...five years of our lives?!” Bex said. “Somebody came in here and took five years from me! Just like that?! Andi is older than I was when I had her!” 

“Mom?”

“I missed out on some of the best parts of my daughter’s life! Parts that I also missed out on! I had to drop out of school and get my GED, and I wanted to experience that with my daughter!”

“I...I’m sorry…” Andi started tearing up. “I...I wanted you here...we didn’t know what to do…”

“Andi…” Bex softened. “Andi I shouldn’t be yelling at you guys...it’s not your fault…”

“I...I...I...Amber…”

“Amber?”

“Amber was gone...Cyrus is back...you guys are back….I…” she started feeling short of breath. “I begged for my family back...my friends back...and now you’re...your fighting…” why couldn’t she breathe? Why was the room spinning. 

“Andi!” Bowie got up and knelt right in front of her. “Three deep breaths...I know it feels hard, but try right now.” She felt like no air was going in when she took in the breaths, but she did what he told her, and felt him grab her arms. “What are three things you feel?”

“M..my clothes...the floor...your hands…”

“Something you can smell?”

“The pizza…”

“What do you see?” 

“You…”

“How do you feel?”

She nodded. “Better. I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize,” he said, hugging her. 

“Andi…” Bex knelt down next to her. “Did you have a panic attack? Has this been happening?”

“No,” Andi said. “Not often...but most people get a panic attack or two in their lives,” she said. “Cyrus always said that...says that...says...he’s not gone anymore...this is so new to us.”

“New to us too,” Celia said. “We just blinked and you’re older.” 

“We got used to the realities that you weren’t here anymore...we held funerals after two years…” 

“You held our funerals?” Bex asked.

“Everyone did,” Bowie said. “It was us trying to move on.”

“I can’t believe everyone is back...but Amber’s family…” Andi gasped

“That’s right...they moved to Australia after her mother got promoted, and she was working when she was snapped, wasn’t she?” Andi nodded, and Bowie got up. “Why don’t you go grab her, we can make a bed for her tonight, I’ll finish catching them up.” Andi hesitated, looking at her mother and Cece. 

“I..”

“I know…”

“What is it?” Cece asked. 

“I’m...I’m afraid of leaving you...and that it might mean you guys will be gone again…”

“Honey,” Cece hugged her. 

“I saw both of you vanish before my eyes, and I’m sure Andi saw several people vanish at SAVA.”

“Half a classroom.”

“It’s normal for us to be feeling this, I guess.” Bowie took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll stay here with them, keeping an eye and making sure it’s okay. You go and find your friend.”

“Thanks dad. I’ll be back real quick.”

* * *

Amber stared at her own reflection in Debbie's compact. She had just reappeared between two tables, her arms held out with an invisible tray that, in her perspective, held hamburgers and fries a second ago. Now she was told that she disappeared and reappeared five years later. Now she kept her eyes on the mirror, looking older. “If I’m 21.. does that meanI can drink? Because this feels like the exact appropriate situation to get a drink.”

Debbie, an older woman who had been taking care of Amber's friends during all this time, laughed a little. “I think let's hold all the alcohol for a few days, see what the officials decide on.”

Amber sighed and put the mirror down. “So, for five years, while I was in limbo or whatever... I’ve been stuck in this outfit the entire time?!”

Debbie had to laugh a little again. “I can’t answer that, I mean, you said you thought that only a second passed, I think we’re dealing with a whole new set of rules.”

“That means all my friends are…” before Amber could even finish that sentence, the door was thrown open and she even gasped when she saw who was on the other side.

If she needed any more proof that time passed, all Amber had to do was look at Andi. The cute fourteen year old girl she used to know, and used to hold a secret crush on, was now...well...a gorgeous young woman. She let her hair grow out a little into a cute, spiky bob cut, and she leaned more into her artistic art style, mixing blacks with fun colors on top. She looked amazing. “Andi?”

Andi didn’t say a word, just going up to her and hugging her tightly. Amber simply put her arms around her too. “I missed you...I missed you so much…”

“You did?” 

“Yeah, I care about you Amber,” she sniffed. “Five year old grease stains and all.”

She laughed and hugged her tighter. “You’re grown up Bambi...did I miss all your high school things?”

“Yeah...yeah you did…”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t blame you, but I did wish you were there the entire time. There are times that...that you were the exact person I needed to talk to...but…” she sniffed and Amber hugged her tighter. 

“Whatever it is...let it all out now, because I’m here, I promise. This Amber Alert isn’t shutting off anytime soon...though I might ask for a snooze...apparently I’ve been covered in burger juice for five years. I think I need a shower.”

“Yeah...I also came to take you home. Your parents...your mom got a job offer in Australia…”

“Wait...my parents are in Australia?!” She pulled away. “They left?!”

“They only left two years ago. We were all running low on hope of you coming back...well...actually...that’s around when we started accepting you guys were dead for good.”

“But...I didn’t die...I just...got fast-forwarded...through my life…” she let go of Andi and sat back in the booth. “I missed my prom...my graduation...all of high school...and I mean...I could go to college, but the only 21 year old freshman is weird, right?”

“No! No it’s not! I’ve got 25 year olds in my art class, so it’s not weird, I promise,” Andi sat across from her. “But the...high school thing, I’m sorry…”

“I missed prom? I dreamed of Prom...singing along to the songs and dancing with the person I cared about…” her eyes flicked up to Andi for a second before looking back down.

“I missed all of that and my family left...I’m alone?”

“No, no you’re not!” Andi said determined. “I’m taking you to my apartment...with my Dad,” she said, then she smiled. “And my mom...and Cece…” she sniffed. “They came back too...Mom and Cece...and Cyrus also came back…” she was tearing up. “I can’t wait to get used to the fact that I'll see you guys again…” She took Amber’s hand, and Amber blushed a little. “I’ve got so much I want to talk to you about Amber.”

“I’m here to listen...because I think I’ve got things I need to talk about too.”

* * *

Cyrus stood nervously alongside T.J., watching the sun get lower in the sky. “Are you sure that just...arriving like this...is okay?”

“Cyrus,” T.J. gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “These are your parents...No word on your step-parents yet though…”

“How do you know? Are you guys in contact?”

“Well...when you were gone…” T.J. started rubbing the back of Cyrus’s hand with his thumb. “It was this big hole in everyone’s hearts. I went to them because...I dunno...I wanted pictures of you, stories...something that made it feel like you weren’t gone...and we started talking. We keep up with each other actually, regularly texting and calling...I guess they like me…”

“It’s hard not to like the ‘real’ you,” Cyrus said. “Not the scary guy.”

“The scary guy is just about gone for good, only making reappearances in very very rare occasions,” Mostly to defend Cyrus whenever someone said something negative about him throughout high school. “You ready?”

“Well...For me, I saw my parents last night...it’s how they’re going to be that worries me. They’re not going to be mad, right?”

“Cyrus...an evil megalomaniac made you vanish. It’s not like you willingly walked up to the edge of a volcano and jumped in ...And no, no volcanoes were involved Cyrus.”

He smiled. “You know me so well...even after five years of not seeing me?”

“You’re hard to forget.”

“So...this is where they live now?” Cyrus said, looking up at an apartment building. “Together again?”

“Well...not together-together. Andi and Jonah said that their relationship almost looks like mine and Buffy’s. Part of living together I suppose. And they actually use separate bedrooms.”

“Wait...do you share a bedroom with Buffy?” Cyrus frowned. 

“Well, officially we have our own rooms...unofficially neither of us have slept alone in the last five years.”

“Wow...that’s...that’s really weird for me to think about. In my head, a week ago, you and Buffy were having a bitter argument about whether track or baseball was the better sport when basketball was off-season. Marty had to pick her up and carry her away and I had to stand in front of you. Now, you two apparently cuddle to sleep every night?” He laughed a little, then he saw T.J. blush a little. “Oh my god, you do?!”

“She says I’m a warm pillow…” 

“Is she a good cuddler?”

“I liked it better when you cuddled with me on movie nights,” he said, putting his arm around him. “Ready?”

“Guess I better be...I’m gonna cry harder than when you were reunited with your parents, aren’t I?”

“Definitely,” he said. “But I’m going to be in a corner sobbing into a pillow so we’ll be even.” He brought Cyrus up to the door. “Your turn, Underdog.”

Cyrus took a deep breath, and held his hand out...then paused. “We all missed so much together...like...all of high school. I was at Grant for three months...three months of high school, and that’s it…” 

“Cy…?”

“I just...part of me...I don’t know...I’m just confused.”

T.J. turned to face him, looking him deep in the eyes. “Trust me, all of this is confusing for everyone, like...without exception. I just sent my parents to a hotel room, I’ve got my old bedroom at the Driscoll house, and now Buffy’s mom is back, and so is Marty, who I still haven’t seen even though he’s one of my best friends…”

“I’ve been taking up all your time.”

“No! No, you haven’t,” he said. “You have no idea the amount of times you were in my dreams and I’d wake up and I’d have to remember that day on the swings…” he wiped the corners of his eyes. 

“You never got over me?”

“What do you mean? Never got over you? I never wanted to, even if I could.”

“Why? You could have moved on. I mean, five years, that’s enough time to get another boyfriend, be happy with him instead…”

“Because there are things you just know sometimes,” he said quietly, deciding to ring the doorbell before Cyrus went spiraling. Cyrus looked at him in shock then at the door when he saw his mother open it, and saw her gasp and stumble backwards. 

“Hi mom…” he watched her come forward again and touch his face. “Oh..oh my god...Schmoopie?” 

“Moooom...T.J. is here…” he playfully said, and then hugged her tightly, feeling the tears wet his shirt, and he couldn’t help and start crying as well. T.J. slipped past them both quietly, closing the door and going to the study. 

“Norman...I think you’re gonna want to come out here.”

“What’s wrong T.J.?”

“Just…” he gestured out to the living room, where Leslie still held her son in a tight grip. 

“T.J.?”

“Yeah?”

“You would tell me if I’m hallucinating, wouldn’t you?”

“Everyone is back, Norman...everyone...just a little older.”

Cyrus’s father stumbled forward and saw his ex-wife hugging and crying over their son...their alive, no longer a teenager, son. “Cyrus?”

“Hey dad,” he sniffed. “I think I missed curfew…” before he could even say another word, Norman Goodman joined in on the hug. T.J. put his hands in his pockets and sat on the arm of the closest couch, watching with a smile as the three caught up with each other, the adults sitting down with Cyrus at the dining room table. 

* * *

_ “I...I don’t know why it happened that way...I just...one minute he was there...I don’t know…” T.J. sobbed at the dining room table at Norman Goodman’s house. He had called over Leslie and the three of them shared several boxes of tissues as they talked about what happened the day before.  _

_ “It’s not your fault T.J.,” Leslie said, taking his hand. “Almost everyone lost someone. Todd was in the middle of a meeting…” _

_ “And Sharon was also with a client,” Norman blew his nose before tossing it in the trash. “But...Cyrus?” _

_ “He’s the best thing to ever happen to me...I shouldn’t have looked away, I looked away for one second! Maybe if I kept looking…” _

_ “T.J., what you’re experiencing is Survivor’s Guilt,” Leslie said. “You need to know that what happened to Cyrus...it’s not your fault. We know exactly who’s to blame here, and none of us could have stopped it.” _

_ “I just...I want to have been able to do something...then I would have done it,” he cried. “I wouldn’t be here crying with you about this...you’d have your son…” _

_ “T.J...of course we miss our son,” Norman said. “But we will never, ever blame you for this. It’s a bit of a relief actually, that even though he’s gone, the people who cared about him most are still around for us.” _

* * *

“I can’t believe all of this happened while I was...I guess gone is the right word?” Cyrus said, looking over the pictures his parents had of extended family, his friends, current events. “I still can’t believe how much older I am...I’ll have to start thinking about catching up, taking the GED, applying for college and scholarships…”

“Cyrus,” Norman said. “You came back to us a few hours ago. It’s okay to take a break, even a gap year, spend it with friends, or traveling, whatever you need. I’m sure everyone is going to be very accommodating of blipped people.”

“A gap year? What would I even do?”

“What do you want to do?” T.J. asked. 

“I mean...I wouldn’t mind going to Disney World once or twice…” Cyrus said. “Always wanted to go…”

“Okay, name a date.”

“You can’t be serious! Teej!”

“I’ve got money saved up...plus kids whose parents were snapped before they turned eighteen got a huge load of grants and stuff from the U.S. Government and the U.N. I can easily take you to Disney World.”

“Teej, I don’t even know what I’m going to do these next few hours! I mean...both of my houses were sold! Those had my bedrooms!” 

“Cyrus,” T.J. chuckled. “Let me plan it. All you have to do is say when.”

“I can’t ask you to do that for me, let me drag you around-“

“It would be my pleasure, Cyrus.”

“Well…” he blushed and smiled at him. “Thank you...I guess now I’ll just...fluff the couch cushions here and-“

“Cyrus…” Norman cut him off. “Of course we miss you, and we want you around all the time, but...maybe you should stay over where T.J. is...were you planning on staying with the Driscolls still?”

“Yeah, it’s kinda my house too...you know, five years...even painted the walls,” he said, looking over at Cyrus. “Do you want to?”

Cyrus blushed. “You don’t mind me being out of the house?”

“We need to go find our own spouses,” Leslie joked lightly, kissing Cyrus’s cheek again. “T.J., you said you found all your people in the last place they were?”

“Yeah, Cyrus at the swings, my parents at my old house…which was awkward…” 

“Oh no...we sold their offices too...they’re probably accidentally breaking so many APA rules…” they both started getting up and looked at their son again, almost hesitating before hugging him tightly. “Keep texting us from T.J.’s phone please...and call...and come back tomorrow morning?”

“I will...I don’t want to put you guys through what you went through again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I double dare you to leave a Kudos. AND if you ALREADY left one and you can’t leave another, I Triple Dog Dare you to comment.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I know it’s been a while, but I have my finals sneaking up on me in a month, so I might be a bit more sporadic. Fun piece of trivia? Do you know what to do if you want to leave 200 Kudos but AO3 only lets you leave one? 
> 
> SIMPLE!
> 
> Leave 1 Kudos and 199 Comments!!! I promise you I read every one!!!

Cyrus was sitting in the living room of Buffy Driscoll’s house, having showered, wearing some borrowed pajamas, and exhausted from seeing everyone and spending hours talking with Buffy and Marty, T.J. not releasing his hand for a second. Now, T.J. finally let go so that he could shower himself while Buffy and Marty went into Marty’s room, and Cyrus was on Buffy’s laptop, looking through news articles. Buzzfeed even created a compiled list and made slideshows of “What you missed before you blipped.” 

“I know those worry lines,” T.J. said from the doorway, changed and still a little hot and steamy from the shower. “Same ones that looked at me every time I was about to screw up, and before I got my judgement in 8th grade student court.”

“Sorry, I just...I started reading…”

“Don’t apologize,” T.J. sat right next to him. “Penny for your thoughts?”

Cyrus sighed and looked over all the tabs open on the computer. “It’s kind of hitting me in waves...what I missed...what was taken from me...I don’t want to bum you out.”

“Cyrus, you’re too nice for your own good,” he said, putting his arm around him, and smiling when Cyrus started leaning in to him. “I want to know what’s going on in your mind. I spent all this time wanting to know what’s going on in your mind.”

“That’s just it...all this time. Teej, what did I miss?! I missed homecomings, and your games, and Buffy’s games, Andi’s art shows, classes I wanted to take, clubs I wanted to join, I looked forward to high school since I watched High School Musical in elementary school! And even an election! I missed a presidential election!!! You know I love politics! And that was just...blipped away! I missed prom, going to prom with you, specifically. I missed sharing a ridiculous limo with all of my friends, clinking champagne glasses of water just to show off how good we had it. I missed graduating with you...I missed every SAT and every college application! I missed both of us holding our sealed letters and running to each other, exchanging the letters, terrified out of our minds of what could come out of it, and reading it out and either comforting each other or taking each other out for a celebratory dinner! I missed five years of lunch dates, movies, sleepovers, time with my family...I missed all of it!”

T.J. listened, loosely holding him. “Underdog...everything you said...yeah, it sucks, majorly. But do you know what was on the back of my mind the entire time you were ranting?” Cyrus shook his head. “I wanted to cry because of how happy I am hearing your voice. Happy, sad, you could have been telling me to eat my own shit but I would just be so happy to hear you I wouldn’t even care if you hated my guts. Yeah, it sucks that you missed all of that, that somebody took away five years from you for, well, fucking nothing because Thanos kept saying that he just made the world more resourceful for us, but he killed half of absolutely everything so everything was the exact same….I dunno,” he sighed. “But, I got so used to never seeing you again, that every second I have now, even if it’s five years too late, is a miracle for me.” 

Cyrus sat there for a minute, soaking it in, closing the laptop and curling closer to T.J., who wrapped his arms around Cyrus tighter. “Earlier today,” he said. “At my parents, I asked about you moving on...and you said ‘when you know, you know…’” he said. “Did you really not try to move on?”

She T.J. sighed. “I mean...not really. I went on a couple of dates, nothing ever panned out, it was normally like just a movie or a dinner, never went more than a second date...and only last year. But…”

“But?”

“They weren’t you.”

Cyrus blushed a little. “And what did you mean by ‘when you know, you know?’ How do you know?”

T.J. smiled a little. “I’ve known for the longest time, but two events really made me realize it.”

“What were they?”

He looked down and rubbed Cyrus’s arm while he talked to him. “The first time was after I took you dirt-biking. The whole gun thing.”

“I was so angry with you, for not leaving right away…”

“Cyrus, before I met you, Reed and Lester were pretty much my only friends. And most people didn’t really like me yet. Leaving right then, I was losing my friends with no guarantee on other friends...I didn’t have Andi, Buffy, and Jonah back then, and I barely knew Marty’s name...but when you left...it kinda hit me that I’d rather have just you than have one hundred Reeds. Which is why I turned them into the police, and then Andi and Buffy kept you away from me...and I was truly alone. And I just...it didn’t hurt so much that I was alone...it hurt that I didn’t have you.”

“Did you know...then?”

“Did I know what? That I was gay or had a crush on you?”

“Either?”

“Yes,” he said. “I’ve known I was gay since, like, the 4th grade. I was just afraid of other people finding out until you. Which is the lead in for my second time that made me realize it was you, Kira.”

“Ugh, she might be the only person I wish was snapped and not blipped back.”

T.J. laughed at that. “Yeah, she was lucky. Only person snapped in her family was a single great aunt.”

“That kinda makes me hate her more, especially since I know how lonely you were...without your parents, or me...or Marty.”

“Yeah...losing Marty made it tough to hang out with Jonah for the longest time…”

“Really?”

“Yeah, even Buffy and Andi had trouble hanging out together. When you’re a trio, it’s hard being a duo, thinking you’ll never see that third person again…”

“I’m sorry…” 

“Please...don’t apologize,” he said. “Just...stay yourself.”

“Myself is five years younger than my body,” he said. “I don’t know how to be an adult.”

“Cyrus, you were always like, ten years more mature than me. Consider this me catching up to you,” he joked. “And then, don’t be an adult. I’m not an adult, I’m a teenager with adult privileges. I can drive, book vacations, own a credit card...I’m dangerous. I need your sense of responsibility.” 

Cyrus laughed and hugged him tightly. “Gladly. So...I have one more thing to address.”

“Yeah?” 

“Well...I know that you’re all...big...very, very big…” he said, cuddling into his chest. “Captain America here…” T.J. laughed. “But like I said before...yesterday, I was fourteen and fourteen year olds really aren’t ready for anything…”

“Cyrus, I wouldn’t dream of anything like that before you’re ready,” T.J. said. “There is one thing I think our relationship since our initial friendship got well, which is communication. You never let me go out without talking something out. That continues. Whatever you want to try, we talk it out, we find a level we’re comfortable with, and we check for consent about a billion times, even if it’s something like...I dunno…”

“Kissing in the rain?” Cyrus said with a light tone.

“I think we’ve kissed each other a total of three times without explicit verbal consent,” T.J. said. “The rest of the time, yeah,” he said. “For example, may I kiss you right now, muffin?”

He laughed, and sat up. “With proper grammar? Of course you may.” 

With a smile, T.J. leaned in and pulled Cyrus in close as he kissed him. Cyrus held him as well, smiling after they broke apart. “Cyrus? Would you like to spend all night cuddling in my room here?” 

“I would love that.”

* * *

_ “You think you deserve this? You think you deserve to get them back? You let them go. You didn’t try hard enough.” A sinister voice said as Marty, Cyrus, and her mom started crumbling into dust in front of her. She tried to run to them but she couldn’t get there, but she heard them scream in pain as they saw themselves disintegrating. _

_ “You weren’t strong enough,” Andi next to her started to disintegrate, and when Buffy reached out, she turned into a pile of ash at her fingertips. _

_ “You’ll never be strong enough,” Jonah started to crumble, in the middle of a panic attack and screaming out her name. _

_ “You’re just a scared, weak little girl.” T.J. started to blow apart. He was shouting in pain too, but not abstract names, but screaming at her. _

_ “You couldn’t protect them again! You can’t do anything! You’re worthless! You’re pathetic! You’re-“ _

* * *

Buffy gasped as she woke up in a cold sweat, leaping off the warm chest she was resting against. The dreams were back. She hasn’t had dreams in a while. T.J. was the one who dreamt it more...why was she dreaming like that again?

“Sorry Jag...Sorry…”

“Jag?” A different voice groaned up and started getting up, and Buffy almost cried at the voice. “Did T.J. actually trust you with his name? Is there Jag in there?”

She turned to look up at Marty’s face, trying to gently joke with her to get her to calm down. She instantly rushed into his chest and sniffed back some tears. Marty didn’t even say anything and he wrapped his arms around her, letting her get back control of her breathing, and not saying a word at the tears he felt stain his shirt. “I almost forgot you were here…”

“You got used to T.J.,” he said. “You didn’t forget me, did you?”

She shook her head. “It was impossible to forget you,” she said, hugging him.

“You wanna lie down?” She nodded and he half-picked her up, shifting down and lying back. Letting her fall against him. “Better?” She nodded. “So...what did you guys normally do after nightmares?”

“Depends on who had the nightmare needs,” she mumbled. 

“And what do you need?”

“To be distracted...to be reminded you’re here…”

Marty thought for a moment. “Have I ever told you the full story of how the three of us broke Jonah’s oven right after middle school graduation?” She shook her head, and he launched into the story, talking softly and stroking her hair. She closed her eyes, listening to his words and his heartbeat, feeling waves of relief wash over her. 

* * *

Jonah was awake, staring up at the ceiling from the pullout couch of the hotel he and his parents were staying at, since they didn’t have the apartment anymore. When he reunited with them, he couldn’t even fully make it into their arms, breaking down in tears at the door. His parents had to come over and scoop him up.

They couldn’t stop gushing over how he was growing up to be handsomer than he was before, how sweet his smile still was, and nobody could stop the tears. Even the new tenants of the apartment let them have their moment, going as far as to make them some tea and let them borrow their computer to book a room at the Shadyside Marriott for the next few nights. Thankfully the new renters were nice given the circumstances of finding two strangers reappearing in the middle of their living room. 

They had a wonderful dinner at an Italian restaurant downtown, catching up and ruinning several napkins with tears and his mom’s mascara, they were at the hotel. Jonah’s plan when they first arrived at Shadyside was to be at the Driscoll house and sleep in the bed that Buffy and T.J. weren’t using. Of course all of that was thrown out the window the instant Cyrus reappeared, not that he was complaining. 

He looked over at his parents, sleeping softly, and his heart caught in his throat. Was it normal to be afraid of them disappearing again? He didn’t want to look away. He couldn’t lose them again...he couldn’t...not his parents, not his friends, not anyone…

He didn’t even realize he had gotten off the pull out couch until he was lying in between his parents, like he used to when he was a little kid and had a nightmare. Part of him wondered if it was weird that he was lying there right now, but the rest of him didn’t care. He just lost and got his parents back, he had the right to cling on to them like a little kid, so he curled up and went back to sleep.

* * *

T.J. woke up with Cyrus’s back pressed against him, and his arms wrapped around him, and he smiled. Part of him dreamed about holding Cyrus all night long, and throughout the night, he thought he was dreaming. He had to remind himself that he was *really* back, that everybody was *really* back, and he might have cried a few times of relief when he saw the tuft of brown-black hair instead of the mess of curly hair that usually was splayed on his chest (and found its way into his mouth more often than not). 

He pulled Cyrus closer, and heard him grunt a little, waking up slowly. “You athletes and your early morning schedules,” he mumbled. 

“It’s nine-thirty,” T.J. said, looking over at the clock. “It’s not exactly dawn.” 

“It’s still early.”

T.J. laughed and laid back, letting Cyrus turn around and face him. “You have brunch planned with your parents and step-parents,” he reminded him, though he gripped Cyrus tighter. He was almost afraid of letting go. “And Jonah and I are going to help our parents find apartments for themselves...and...maybe…we could come back later and talk about what you want to do after all this…”

“What do you mean?” Cyrus frowned. 

“I mean, Jonah, Buffy, Andi, and I share a house by MSU…there’s a high school with GED night school classes nearby...MSU lets people sign up for classes to attend and take as non-degree seeking students meaning you can take things that are just interesting to you without caring about your total grades…”

“You want me to move into the house with you? Move in with you?”

“Well...I’m sure Marty is going to move in...Amber probably will because her parents are several continents away...and living with your friends is actually a lot of fun...even if it means that maybe four people will have to share a bathroom instead of just two.”

“There’s only two bathrooms?”

“Three...Buffy and I share the bathroom though.”

“I cannot get over how close you two have gotten,” he said with a little laugh. 

“Well, it’s a nice change not waking up coughing up a hairball,” T.J. laughed. “But she helped a lot throughout all this, and I’m sure I helped her too...if she’ll ever admit it out loud is another story…”

Cyrus laughed again. “Good to know some things don’t change.” He started sitting up and stretching. “I guess I’ll get changed for the day...and I’m going to need to borrow more clothes…”

“My closet is yours,” he said, gesturing over. “And along with helping my parents...there’s something else I need to do.”

* * *

Chet made his way to the basketball court, following a text from T.J. telling him to do so. He had just reunited with his sisters, completely shocked that they came back. He was only home for the summer because The University of Michigan didn’t have summer housing for him. His dad ignored him at first, and when everyone came back, got all of his attention taken by his mom, which was fine. But his sisters, that’s what made him relax a little as they talked. 

But even that good thing wasn’t enough to keep him in the house, so the instant he got the text from T.J., he bolted out of his house and grabbed a ball, practicing free throws while waiting. He hasn’t seen T.J. since about a week after they graduated, because then T.J. moved into the house with his friends, and a few weeks later, he moved to Michigan and moved to his dorm. 

He was shooting some free-throws, waiting around for his friend to arrive. He had shot his fifth basket when he felt someone behind him. “Still an angry little guy, huh?” 

“Of course he’s an angry little guy. That’s what makes Chet a Chet.”

He turned around and saw T.J. standing a bit behind his old friends, his best friends, William and Daryl. They looked older as well, seeming to age with everybody else. Their clothes still had some Target sizing stickers, obvious that somebody had to rush out and buy them more clothes than the ones they were blipped back in. Chet just stared at them, taking them in. Did William somehow get even taller? And Daryl grew into his body, no longer the awkward kid he used to be. 

Chet couldn’t stop staring at them, taking them in. 

“Did you take too many balls to the head?” William joked, and then he was knocked back by a shove to the chest. 

“You...you…you assholes!” He started shouting. “You fucking dickwads! You left me here alone!”

“Whoa! Chet! Just take it easy man!” 

“I was fucking left on my fucking own with just my douchedick dad! It took two fucking years for that dumbass to even hang out with me again! He was too busy with his...his...his platonic girlfriend!”

T.J. looked down, a little embarrassed by that.

“You guys were my only fucking friends! You were all I had for the longest fucking time! Everyone was gone! Fucking everyone!” His voice started breaking by the end there and Daryl and William exchanged a glance. Then they stepped forward, enduring the shoves that Chet gave them, and even ignoring some of the punches that flew at their arms and chests. Chet stopped screaming words anymore, and he was just screaming angrily, until he after a few more punches into William’s chest, his knees gave out. 

William caught him before he fell over, and said nothing as Chet sobbed into his chest, just holding him up. Eventually, Daryl came over and helped him into a standing position, and they hugged him, without saying a word, letting him cry into their shirts. Truth was...even though for them it had only been two days since they last saw Chet, William and Daryl missed him too.

**Author's Note:**

> This was created originally by the lovely Dumb-Binch-Juice, along with a few of their OCs and who they thought would have lived, who died, who told their stories. I made them cry while writing this, and apparently actively killed them since I got a message from “their ghost.” Please read, kudos, share, and please for the love of all that is living post-Thanos, COMMENT!!! It’s what gets me through life. Y’all don’t even understand.


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